Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Unexpected Guests: A Night at the Farm

    A Jew, a Hindu, and a lawyer are driving down a country road.

    Of course, their car breaks down, and they are forced to walk. They walk for hours, and as the sun is setting, they come upon an old farmhouse. They decide to take a chance and knock on the door. An old farmer answers, and the trio explain their situation.

    The farmer says, “Welp, ain’t nobody ’round here can help y’all till the morning. But y’all are welcome to spend the night here. But one of y’all is gonna have to bed down in the barn, ’cause I only got two spare beds, ya see.”

    So the trio draws straws, and the Jew gets the short one. He goes out to the barn to sleep, and everyone else goes to bed.

    A few minutes later, the farmer hears a knock on his door. He opens it, and the Jew is standing there. The Jew says, “I can’t sleep in the barn. There’s a pig in there. It’s forbidden for me to sleep near such a filthy animal.”

    So they wake up the Hindu, and he agrees to swap places with the Jew. Everyone goes back to bed.

    A few minutes later, the farmer hears a knock on his door. He opens it, and the Hindu is standing there. The Hindu says, “I can’t sleep in the barn. There’s a cow in there. I am unworthy to sleep near such a holy animal.”

    So they wake up the lawyer, and he goes out to sleep in the barn. Everyone goes back to bed.

    A few minutes later, the farmer hears a knock on his door. He opens it, and there’s a pig and a cow standing there.

  • Watching a live stream

    Why did the woman bring a remote control to the lake?

    She was watching a live stream.

  • He had squatter’s rights

    Why didn’t the personal trainer get kicked out of his apartment?

    He had squatter’s rights.

  • Don’t Worry, It’s Just the Drums!

    The Drums, the Drums!

    Two intrepid explorers are navigating up a remote river in Africa with the assistance of some native bearers.

    The first night, around the fire, the sound of drums can be heard in the distance. The explorers are clearly discomfited by the sound, but the natives tell them to relax—it’s not a big deal.

    The following night, the drums can be heard again, only much closer and louder. The explorers think this can’t be good and are visibly shaken. Again, the bearers tell them to calm down, that the drums are harmless.

    The third night, the drums are louder still, and the explorers are barely keeping it together. Suddenly…the drums stop.

    Now it is the bearers who are quaking, trembling in terror. When the explorers ask them the reason for this, the leader says, in a quavering voice,

    “Very bad! When drums stop, bass solo begins!”

  • Heavenly Rewards for Marital Honesty!

    At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter is processing new entrants to heaven, but heaven is a fair distance away.

    Peter asks the man at the front of the line, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?”

    The man replies, “I have never cheated on my wife.”

    St. Peter replies, “Okay, you get a Lamborghini,” and the man drives off toward heaven in it.

    Peter asks the next man in line the same question, and the man replies, “Once, but I felt really guilty about it.”

    Peter replies, “Okay, you get a Suzuki Sidekick,” and the man drives off toward heaven in it.

    Peter asks the third man in line the same question, and the man replies, “Oh, it’s not even funny how many times I cheated on my wife.”

    Peter replies, “Okay, you get a motor scooter,” and the man drives off toward heaven in it.

    Soon, the Suzuki Sidekick driver runs into the Lamborghini driver, who’s crying while pulled over to the side of the road. He asks what’s wrong, and the Lamborghini driver replies, “I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!”

  • Furry Trouble in the Forest!

    A bear and a bunny rabbit were pooping next to each other in the woods. The bear asked the bunny if it had problems with poop sticking to its fur.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The bunny replied with a soft, “No, Mr. Bear, I don’t have a problem with poop sticking to my fur.”

    So, the bear wiped its butt with the bunny rabbit.

  • Is the bar tender here?

    A termite walks into a pub and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

  • You got a drink named Steve?

    A grasshopper walks into a bar.

    The bartender tells him, “You know, we have a drink named after you.”

    The grasshopper answers, “You got a drink named Steve?”

  • A gardener hoes his beets

    What’s the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

    A gardener hoes his beets.

  • We don’t want any kids

    My wife and I have decided we don’t want any kids.

    We’re going to tell them in the morning.