A businessman walks into a brothel.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Parrot Knows the Trick of the Cruise!
There was this magician of some repute who was hired to do his act aboard a cruise ship.
He had been there for several years, and since the crowd was continually changing, he did the same act over and over. He enjoyed the good life in this sense, spending most of his time out on the promenade deck working on his tan, not new tricks.
One day, the captain bought a parrot and, over the months, brought the parrot with him to see the nightly magic show.
Being a smart parrot, the bird learned all the tricks—where the cards, flower, etc. were hidden by the magician in his act.
The bird would say, “The card is up his left sleeve, the flower is under the pot, he hid the money under his shoe…”
Because the parrot would only take about a week to catch on to his magic tricks, the magician was forced to continually learn new ones, which was getting harder and harder by the day, and really cramping his “sun time.”
To put it mildly, he hated the darn parrot, but since it was the captain’s, he couldn’t do anything about it.
Late one night, the engine room exploded and the ship sank within minutes. Miraculously, the magician found himself clinging to a timber, floating in the water surrounded by darkness. Alas, he was the only one left alive!
As the sun came up the next morning and he turned around, what should be sitting 20 feet away on the opposite end of the log—his arch-nemesis, the parrot!
They glared at each other and said nothing. This went on for three days, and neither said a word, just glared.
On the fourth day, the parrot finally broke the silence and said, “Okay! I give up. What did you do with the ship?”
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He was gladiator
What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
Nothing. He was gladiator.
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A meth head actor
What do you call an actor who’s addicted to meth?
A meth-head actor.
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Bowling Teams: Brunettes vs. Blondes on a Bus!
Two bowling teams—one team of brunettes and the other of blondes—get on a double-decker bus together. The brunettes are on the bottom, and the blondes are on the top floor.
The brunettes are having the time of their lives, drinking and partying, when one says to her friend, “It’s very quiet upstairs.” So they go up to investigate.
When they arrive, they see all the blondes staring toward the front of the bus and hanging on to the seats with utmost fear.
A brunette asks, “What’s wrong?”
A blonde replies, “It’s OK for you—you’ve got a driver!”
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He couldn’t complain
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn’t complain. -
Grateful Skin: A Love Story!
A man’s face is badly burned in a fire.
The doctors decide he needs a skin graft to restore his face, but he is so thin that he has no excess skin of his own for the operation. So they use skin from his wife’s bottom.
The operation is a complete success. His face looks like it did before the fire.
Several months go by, and the man is still thanking his wife profusely for the sacrifice she made.
Finally, she says to him, “You don’t have to keep thanking me. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
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Just a figure of speech
My friend asked me to say a few words at his wife’s funeral, so I stepped up to the podium, cleared my throat, and said, “Curvy, shapely, voluptuous, generously proportioned, full-figured…”
He stopped me and said, “Dude, what are you saying??”
I replied, “Sorry… it was just a figure of speech.”
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Ken came in a different box
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Because Ken came in a different box.
