Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Apple Surprise: The Bartender’s Magic Trick!

    A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic. The bartender reaches under the counter and hands him an apple. The man is confused. He says, “I asked for a gin and tonic.”

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    The bartender says, “Try it. Trust me.”

    The man takes a bite and chews it, then he looks surprised.

    “Wow, this tastes just like gin!” he says.

    The bartender says, “Now turn it around.”

    The man turns the apple around and takes another bite. “Wow, this tastes like tonic!”

    A second man walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a rum and coke. The bartender reaches under the counter and hands him an apple. The second man says, “I asked for a rum and coke.”

    The bartender says, “Try it. Trust me.”

    The man takes a bite and chews it, then he looks surprised. “Wow, this tastes like rum!”

    The bartender says, “Now turn it around.”

    The man turns the apple around and takes another bite. “Wow, this tastes like coke!”

    A third man walks up to the bar and asks the bartender if he has anything special. The first man says, “This guy has magic apples that taste like anything you want!”

    The third man is intrigued. He asks the bartender, “Do you have an apple that tastes like pussy?”

    The bartender chuckles, reaches under the counter, and hands him an apple. The third man eagerly bites into the apple, chews, then spits it out. “This tastes like shit!” he says.

    The bartender says, “Turn it around.”

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  • Duct Tape: The Ultimate Duck Catcher!

    An old man is sitting on his porch and sees a kid walking by carrying a roll of duct tape.

    The old guy yells out, “Hey kid! Where are you going with that duct tape?”

    “Gonna catch me some ducks!” says the kid.

    “What? You can’t catch ducks with duct tape!” he yells back, but the kid continues on his way.

    A couple hours later, the kid is walking back the other way, carrying four ducks wrapped up in duct tape. The old man can’t believe it.

    The next day, the old guy is sitting on his porch again and sees the kid walking by. This time, he’s got a roll of chicken wire under his arm.

    The old guy yells out, “Hey kid! Where are you going with that chicken wire?”

    “Gonna catch me some chickens!” says the kid.

    “Seriously? You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” he yells back, but once again the kid just continues on his way.

    Later that day, the kid walks back the other way and, sure enough, he’s got a half-dozen chickens wrapped up in the chicken wire. The old guy is astounded.

    The next day, once again, the old guy is sitting out on his porch and sees the kid walking in front of his house.

    He yells out, “Hey kid, what’ve you got under your arm there?”

    “Pussywillow!” says the kid.

    “…Hang on, I’ll go get my hat.”

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  • The third couldn’t reach

    Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park when a man ran up and flashed them.
    Two of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn’t reach.

  • Knitting and Vitamins: Baby’s Best Starts!

    So there are these three pregnant women in the OB-GYN’s waiting room: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all knitting baby sweaters.

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    So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the redhead pops a pill. The other two gasp.

    “It’s OK,” the redhead says. “This is just calcium. I want my baby to have strong bones.”

    So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the brunette pops a pill. The other two gasp.

    “It’s OK,” the brunette says. “This is just vitamin C. I want my baby to have a strong immune system.”

    So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the blonde pops a pill. The other two gasp.

    “It’s OK,” the blonde says. “This is just thalidomide. I can’t get the arms on this sweater right.”

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  • Doctor’s Exam: A Hands-On Approach!

    A guy goes to the doctor, and the doctor says, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but you need to stop masturbating.”

    The guy says, “Why?”

    And the doctor says, “So I can examine you.”

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  • Curious Minds in the Park

    A boy and his father are walking in the park.

    The boy sees a male dog mounting a female dog. He asks his dad, “Dad, what are they doing?”

    Dad thinks for a second and says, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”

    This satisfies the boy’s curiosity, and they finish their walk.

    Later that night, the boy gets up for a drink of water. He passes his parents’ room, and they’ve carelessly left the door ajar. They’re face-to-face in the throes of passion.

    The little boy asks, “Dad, what are you and Mommy doing?”

    The startled dad hesitates for a second, looks up, and says, “Well, son, we’re making you a baby brother.”

    And the kid says, “Well then, can you turn Mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”

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  • A pain in the ass

    My wife and I tried anal.
    She loved it, but for me, it was a pain in the ass.

  • Family Secrets at the Strip Club!

    A boy came home one afternoon and informed his mom that he had gone into the strip club.

    This made his mom angry. She asked her son, “Well, did you see anything that you weren’t supposed to see?”

    The boy replied, “Yes, I saw Dad!”

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  • Say fuck at the same time

    How do you get 29 nice old ladies to say fuck at the same time?
    Have the 30th nice old lady say, “Bingo!”

  • BINGO

    What has 75 balls and fucks old ladies?
    BINGO.