Joke Type: sexual innuendo

Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • They Prefer to Eat Out

    Why don’t lesbians ever get their pizza delivered? They prefer to eat out.

  • Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

    Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

    Category: BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS. Contestant shrugs, commits to the bit, walks away $8,800 richer and forever remembered.

  • Chunky Peanut Butter

    Chunky Peanut Butter

    David Veltri @Veltrida

    i don’t wanna be rude, but i’ve gathered enough info in my life to know that people who like chunky peanut butter like to be choked during sex

  • Alive With the Sound of Muzak

    Nothing sours my holiday mood like surly people at the mall, especially ones who are unimpressed by my jubilant proclamation that my groin is alive with the sound of Muzak.

  • No Smoking Bad Sex

    No Smoking Bad Sex

    NO SMOKING

    “I’ve got to give you credit. How you can squeeze that much bad sex into 2 minutes, is beyond me.”

  • Nine Martini Nightcap

    A tired-looking gentleman walks up to a bar and asks the bartender quite explicitly for nine double martinis, extra dry, hold the olives, and to serve them all at once, right away. The bartender gives the man a curious look, but to no effect, and proceeds to mix and pour the man’s request. The gentleman picks up the first and turns it up quickly before the bartender can finish pouring even the second one, and proceeds to drink each one in turn.

    Finally, the bartender has to ask. “Why all the drinks?”

    “Celebrating!”

    “Oh? What’s the occasion?”

    “My first blowjob.”

    “Well, congratulations. Let me give you one on the house to make it an even ten.”

    “No thanks. If this doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, another one won’t help any.”

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  • Why a Beer Is Better Than Women

    1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.

    2. A frigid beer is good.

    3. A beer doesn’t care when you come home.

    4. When a beer goes flat you can toss it.

    5. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.

    6. A beer never gets a headache.

    7. If you pour a beer right, you always get a good head.

    8. You can share a beer with a friend.

    9. You always know when you’re the first one to pop a beer.

    10. A beer is always wet.

    11. You can have a beer in public.

    12. You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

    13. A beer doesn’t get pregnant.

    14. A beer doesn’t have parents.

    15. You can say whatever you want to a beer.

    16. A beer doesn’t care if you are late.

    17. And you can always have several different beers and not feel guilty.

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  • Turn The Car On

    Turn The Car On

    (Driving test)

    Instructor: Turn the car on

    Me: Umm ok. (rubbing interior) You like that? You filthy who-

    Instructor: Ok we’re done here

  • Say It With Flowers

    Say It With Flowers

    “SAY IT WITH FLOWERS!”

    “I NEED SOMETHING THAT SAYS, ‘I’D LIKE TO STICK MY DICK BETWEEN YOUR TITS’”

  • Shout Out to Librarians

    I’d like to give a shout out to all of the librarians…

    …oh… oh, yeah… I’m sorry.