Joke Type: shock value

Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Thanksgiving Turkey Guts

    A husband and wife married for many years — every morning the husband wakes up and lets out a thunderous fart, then cackles. One day she glares at him and says, “You know, one of these days you’re going to shit your guts out.” He shrugs it off and they go about life.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Come around to Thanksgiving, the wife is downstairs prepping a turkey for dinner, husband is sleeping upstairs in bed. As she pulls the turkey’s guts out, she gets a clever idea, and sneaks upstairs holding a small handful of the turkey’s guts. She tucks them into her husband’s underwear.

    She goes back downstairs and continues to cook. A short while later, the husband wakes up. She hears his usual morning fart, his cackle, then dead silence.

    A few minutes later the husband comes down the stairs. He is pale, shaking a little, and looks like a deer in the headlights.

    “Is everything okay, dear?” she asks without missing a beat.

    “Well, yea,” the husband says. “But you were right, I did shit my guts out. But with these two fingers and a little determination, I got them back up in there.”

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  • Cooking With Semen

    Cooking With Semen

    COOKING WITH SEMEN

    50 DELICIOUS RECIPES

    SHAUN BOLT

  • Deaf Kid Orgy

    Deaf Kid Orgy

    Me and the boys: *putting up random hand gang signs in class*

    The deaf kid wondering why we’re planning an orgy with the class pet:

  • Grandfather Clock Skirt

    Grandfather Clock Skirt

    nene @dollcharm: this is literally the perfect skirt length

    President Biden @POTUS: my dick would be swinging out the bottom like a grandfather clock

  • Death by Unga Bunga

    Three explorers crash-land their plane on an uncharted tropical island. The isolationist islanders promptly capture the three survivors and put them on trial for trespassing. Surprisingly, the grand chief of the island speaks broken English.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “You break harmony on our land,” he says. “There are two punishments for this offense: death, or unga bunga. Choose.” The chief points at the first explorer.

    The first guy chooses unga bunga, because what could be worse than death? Then three islanders step out and drop their loincloths to reveal porn-sized penises. The three islanders then fuck the explorer six ways from Sunday. Once the islanders are spent, the explorer is released.

    The chief then points to the second explorer. “Choose,” he says.

    The second explorer weighs his options. After an excruciating exchange in his own head, he meekly replies, “Unga bunga.”

    Three more islanders drop their loincloths, their penises even bigger than the ones before. They have their way with the second explorer and then release him.

    The chief points at the third explorer. “Choose,” he says.

    “Death,” the explorer replies.

    The chief scratches his chin and reflects. “No one ever choose death before… Death by unga bunga!”

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  • Nine Volt Battery

    What’s the difference between a nine-volt battery and a butthole?

    Everyone knows not to stick their tongue on a nine-volt battery.

  • The Pumpkin Patch

    Recently, a female sheriff’s deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The next day, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

    The suspect explained he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. “You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,” he stated.

    Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. “Guess I was really into it, y’know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.

    In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff’s car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Deputy Taylor. “I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just humping away at this pumpkin.”

    Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’”

    He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, “A pumpkin? Shit… is it midnight already?”

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  • Mesothelioma You or a Loved One

    Mesothelioma You or a Loved One

    evilmilk.com

    Mesothelioma

    You or a loved one

  • Brown and Rhymes with Snoop

    A man got fired from his job for having sex during work hours. When his boss asked why he did it, the man replied, “I don’t know man, she was just lying there naked. I kinda got the hint so we fucked.”

    He was never hired at another morgue again.

  • Tired of Being Used

    Tired of Being Used

    I just wanted to show her my memes. Next thing you know my weiner is in her mouth. I’m tired of being used.