Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Apparently, ‘Anything’ Doesn’t Include Traffic

    A guy is sitting at a bar looking dejected.

    The bartender says, “What’s wrong, buddy?”

    The guy says, “My wife is divorcing me.”

    “Why? What happened?”

    “Well,” says the guy, “my wife said, ‘If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.’”

    “So?” says the bartender.

    The guy sighs. “Apparently, ‘anything’ doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.”

  • He ripped me off

    You know that guy who made the movie “Super Size Me,” in which he gained 31 pounds after eating nothing but McDonald’s food for an entire month? That dude totally ripped me off. I did it first, except he filmed it or something.

  • Something’s messed up in the first place

    They say that if you look at the sun too long, it can fry your brain. But the way I figure it is that if you look at the sun long enough to fry your brain, something’s messed up in the first place.

  • It’ll definitely blow his little pink mind

    I just registered “bonfigliokryczyskovsky.com” because if somewhere there’s a guy named Bonfiglio Kryczyskovsky, and he tries to register his name and finds out that another Bonfiglio Kryczyskovsky has already beaten him to it, it’ll definitely blow his little pink mind.

  • Until somebody fixes my cable

    I’ve recently discovered how to unite gravity with the strong and weak nuclear forces and the electromagnetic force. This finally completes the much-sought-after Grand Unified Theory that confounded even Albert Einstein. But I’m not going to tell anybody what it is until somebody fixes my cable.

  • If your patio cushions were getting wet

    I bet those thunderstorm relaxation CDs wouldn’t be as restful if you actually lived deep in the rainforest and had to constantly fight off the urge to get up and check if your patio furniture cushions were getting wet.

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.