Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • You Didnt Tell Me You Had a Prescription

    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

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    The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

    The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

    The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

  • What the Hell Is a Pinata

    Al and Joe are bungee jumping one day.

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    Al says to Joe, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don’t have it there.”

    Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they’ll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

    They travel to Mexico and begin setting up in the square. As they construct the tower, a crowd assembles. More and more people gather to watch.

    When they finish, the crowd is so large they decide to give a demonstration.

    Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices cuts and scratches.

    Joe fails to catch him. Al falls again, bounces, and comes up bruised and bleeding. Joe misses him again.

    Al falls once more and bounces back up, this time badly injured with broken bones and nearly unconscious. Joe finally catches him and says, “What happened? Was the cord too long?”

    Barely able to speak, Al gasps, “No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd. What the hell is a piñata?”

  • It Depends on Whos in the Will

    Why do baby diapers have names like “Luvs”, “Huggies,” and “Pampers,” while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”?

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    When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em and Pamper’em. When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the will!

  • Went to the Wrong Room

    Bill, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. His wife asked him, “What happened to you?”

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    “I’ve had a terrible day!” said Bill. “I had to go to a hotel where a guest had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because he had a huge erection — can’t even say it cause it’s embarrassing!”

    “Anyway, I went upstairs, and sure enough, there was this big man lying on the bed naked with a massive stiff one. So, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half.”

    “I see,” said his wife. “That must have been terrible! But how did you get the black eye?”

    Bill replied, “Went to the wrong room!”