Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Still Under the Cart

    While golfing, a guy accidentally overturns his golf cart in a tremendous crash.

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    A very attractive female golfer, who lives in a townhome overlooking the golf course, hears the crash and calls out, “Are you okay?”

    “I’m okay, thanks,” says the guy, as he pulls himself from the twisted golf cart wreck.

    She says, “Come up to my home, you can recover for a bit, and I’ll help you with the golf cart later.”

    Even being a bit dizzy, the guy couldn’t help but notice that her bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be an amazing figure.

    “That’s mighty nice of you,” he answers, “but I really don’t think my wife would approve.”

    “Oh, come on now,” she insists.

    She was so pretty, so very persuasive, and the guy was so relatively dazed!

    “Well okay, but I’m quite sure my wife won’t be happy with me.”

    After a couple of gin and tonics, he thanks her and says, “I feel a lot better, and I know that my wife is going to be really upset, so I’d best leave now.”

    “Don’t be silly!” she said with a coquettish smile, letting her robe fall even slightly more open. “Stay for a while. She won’t know a thing, we can have another drink.” Then she asks, by the way, “Where is she, anyway?”

    The guy replies, “Probably still under the cart, if I were to bet.”

  • You Have 5

    Doctor tells the patient, “You have an incurable disease and you don’t have that much time before you die.”

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    Patient asks, “How long before I die, doc?”

    Doctor goes, “You have 5…”

    Patient asking frantically, “5 what? 5 years? 5 months? 5 days?!”

    Doctor, “4.”

  • Bad News and Very Bad News

    A doctor calls his patient and says, “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”

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    The patient asks, “What is the bad news?”

    The doctor replies, “Your test results came back and say that you have a fatal condition that will cause your death in 24 hours.”

    The patient says, “That’s terrible! What is the very bad news?”

    The doctor replies, “The results came back yesterday, but I was busy playing golf.”