Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Weekend at Tut’s

    When a pharaoh died, I bet the servants tried all sorts of tricks to make people think he was just sleeping, because of the tradition of burying the servants alive with the pharaoh to serve him in the afterlife. Kind of a whole “Weekend at Tut’s” thing.

  • Eating a Vegetable

    Q: What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

    A: Putting her back into her wheelchair.

  • Clitoris Licking Frog Available

    A lady was walking down the street when a small sign in the window of a shop caught her eye. She stopped, turned back and read the sign which said “Clitoris licking frog available.” Checking to see that no one on the street was observing her, she hurriedly entered the shop, closing the door quickly behind her.

    Inside there was a counter but no sign of activity or human presence. On the counter there was a bell with a sign on top saying: “Please ring for service”

    The lady gave the bell a push. It rang but nothing happened. She hit the bell again and after a few minutes she heard a shuffling, slurping sort of sound and eventually a man emerged from a door behind the counter. “Bonjour madame”

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  • If At First You Don’t Succeed

    If at first you don’t succeed, blackmail everyone who saw you fail. Unless what you failed at is blackmail — then you’ll have to go straight to murder.

  • Multiple Autobiographies

    The cool thing about having multiple personality disorder is that you get to write a shitload of autobiographies!

  • The Cola Wars

    Call me embittered, but I lost a mother and two brothers to the Cola Wars, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose my pop!

  • Drunk Guy’s Mystery Discovery at the Lab

    A guy went out one night and got pretty wasted at a local bar. He woke up with a terrible hangover and went to take a piss and some Alka-Seltzer when he looked down and saw that he had a red and a brown crusty substance around his dick.

    He scraped off a little of each into a container and sent it to a lab for identification. When he went to see the lab technician, the tech said he had some good news and some bad… first of all, the red substance was ordinary lipstick but I’m afraid the brown substance was…. chewing tobacco!

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  • Wife’s Witty One-Liner Demolishes Husband’s Request

    A husband cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear: “Could we make love, please dear?”

    “Not tonight, darling, I’ve got a splitting headache,” she replied.

    “Please, I’ll only stick it in for a minute,” pleaded her husband.

    His wife retorted: “What do you think I am, a fuckin’ microwave?”

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  • Mr Foley Halloween Candy

    Mr Foley Halloween Candy

    Once again Mr. Foley figures that he saves nearly twenty dollars per year on Halloween candy.

  • Bad Cell Phone Connection

    When my wife said we were breaking up, I thought she was referring to a bad cell phone connection. Now I’m not so sure, since she hasn’t come home in three weeks — and we don’t have a cell phone.