Dark Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Never Start Off on the Wrong Foot

Why is a double amputee happier than an able-bodied person?

Because they never start off on the wrong foot.

Thinking Outside The Box Gary

(At my boss’s funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)

“Who’s thinking outside the box now Gary?”

Florida Man Kills Imaginary Friend

Florida Man On Drugs Kills Imaginary Friend & Turns Himself In

Dear God Most Likely Yes

OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers

DETECTIVE: dear god

OFFICER: most likely yes

The Ice Cube Rating System

“I didn’t have to use my AK, today was a good day.” Honestly, a perfectly scalable life satisfaction metric.

Best Trade I’ve Ever Made

Sign says “Watch for Children.” He brought a watch. Deal done.

Judge’s Taste in Justice Gets Feathered

The man stood before the judge, accused of killing an endangered whooping crane.

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.

Unleash Chaos

The man argued that he thought it was a common Sandhill crane — not endangered — and convinced the judge. The judge dismissed the case. As the man was leaving the courtroom the judge, being an avid bird hunter himself, asked what the whooping crane tasted like.

“It tastes like Bald Eagle”, said the man.

Ray Singing the Wrong Direction

Ray Charles, absolutely crushing it, just aimed at the back of the venue instead of the front. The crowd is behind you, legend.

The Greatest Headline of Our Generation

A Tumblr hall-of-famer: suicidal trip to Mexico pivots hard into a week-long coke and hookers bender, and the patient decides life might be worth sticking around for after all. Poetry.

Removing It From the Church

What’s the hardest part of being an organ donor?

Removing it from the church.

Sensitivity: Dark