when the white kid in class getting roasted and starts reaching in his backpack
Sensitivity: Dark
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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John’s Terrible Choice at the Farmer’s Market
A truck driver named John was in court after a horrific accident where he drove his truck through a crowded farmer’s market, claiming fifty lives.
The courtroom was silent as the prosecutor approached the stand, looking John dead in the eye.
The prosecutor said, “John, we have the tire tracks. We have the witness testimony. You were driving down a straight road. To your left, there was a lone man fixing a flat tire. To your right, there was a crowded market with fifty people. You steered directly into the crowd. How do you explain yourself?”
Wiping his brow and looking distressed, John replied, “It was a nightmare, sir. I was coming down the hill when my brakes completely gave out. I was flying! I had a split second to make a choice.”
The prosecutor asked, “And you chose to hit fifty people instead of one man?”
John exclaimed, “No! Of course not! I’m not a monster. I aimed for that one guy!”
The prosecutor, now even more confused, shouted, “Then how did you end up plowing through the entire market and killing fifty people?”
John sighed heavily and answered, “Well, just as I was about to hit him… the jerk started running toward the crowd!”
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Johnny’s Surgery Gets Out of Hand
“Doctors and Nurses”
A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her ten-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Never mind sex” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”
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Bubba’s Unexpected Advantage
A middle aged guy, tired of mowing the lawn, finally breaks down and hires a neighbourhood kid to do the job for him.
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Bubba, a kid from around the neighbourhood, comes in after having mowed the lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.
Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity got the best of the husband and he just had to look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he had ever seen!!!
The man asked Bubba, “I don’t mean to be too personal, but how did your dick get that big? I couldn’t help but notice…”
Bubba laughed and said, “It’s simple, every night before I go to bed, I bang it on the bedpost three times.”
The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly wait to try it himself. Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times.
He was just climbing into bed with newfound confidence when his wife sat up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and said, “Is that you, Bubba?”
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Calling the Police After All
An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, “Please don’t call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don’t, I’ll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!”
The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they were naked and in bed together. The old man tried hard and tried hard, but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, young lady…but it’s no use,” he gasped. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to call the police after all.”
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The Handy Guide to Self-Love Benefits
Masturbation …a handy subject with many advantages.
1. you don’t have to look your best
2. you never have to say “I love you”…promise to mow the lawn… buy flowers/dinner…lie about the size of your hand’s arse etc.
3. if you use your other hand it feels like someone else
4. you can use both hands and have and orgy
5. you don’t have to promise to call in the morning
6. and as long as you’re careful you’ll never end up with the wet spot.
7. you can make it last for hours, if you do it a certain way
8. you can do it wherever there is a public toilet which has a private cubical (ie supermarket, shopping centre, railway station, on a train, etc, etc)
9. you don’t need to make an appointment in advance
10. it doesn’t really make you go blind, not unless your hand slides off the end and you poke yourself in the eye.
