Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I don’t think I’d be so tired masturbating to porn here at work

I don’t think I’d be so tired masturbating to porn here at work if I wasn’t up all night masturbating to porn at home.
It seems like doing the talk show circuit discussing how you

It seems like doing the talk show circuit discussing how you fully recovered from a terminal disease is a pretty cushy gig.
I’ve got some wacky church camp stories! Like the time a youth

I’ve got some wacky church camp stories! Like the time a youth minister crawled into my tent naked after he said a bear stole his clothes.
“Oh, that’s good, yeah. You like that, don’t you, you dirty

“Oh, that’s good, yeah. You like that, don’t you, you dirty bitch?” – Bob the Dog Groomer, at least once a fucking day
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a wanker who had no dick

I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a wanker who had no dick.
“There’s no such thing as bad publicity!” – Anyone but Malaysia

“There’s no such thing as bad publicity!” – Anyone but Malaysia Airlines
“There is a man with a beard who lives in the clouds and has

“There is a man with a beard who lives in the clouds and has magic powers but cries when I masturbate.” – Lots of otherwise sensible people
Farting in a baby’s face should be legal. It’s not sexual if

Farting in a baby’s face should be legal. It’s not sexual if you’re trying to teach them an important life lesson.
I was just reprimanded for having washed out my coffee mug in

I was just reprimanded for having washed out my coffee mug in the bathroom sink instead of in the breakroom. I guess my superiors feel the lavatory should remain pristine for piss, shit and cum residue.
If it’s legal to own a tiger in Texas, does that mean it’s also

If it’s legal to own a tiger in Texas, does that mean it’s also legal to have sex with it?