Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born

There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born every 30 seconds.
My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.
Some woman in traffic yelled out her window at me, “You suck!”

Some woman in traffic yelled out her window at me, “You suck!” Well, duh. How do you think we careened off the guardrail and into oncoming traffic in the first place?
Dogs are man’s best friend. You can tell this because all your

Dogs are man’s best friend. You can tell this because all your other friends will stop having anything to do with you if you have their balls cut off.
I think that for Halloween I’ll dress as a candy bar with a sign

I think that for Halloween I’ll dress as a candy bar with a sign that says “Eat Me,” then visit Overeaters and Sex Addicts support groups and see who cries more.
There’s no “I” in “sperm.” And hopefully after that quick kick

There’s no “I” in “sperm.” And hopefully after that quick kick to the crotch, there will be no more sperm in “eye.”
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?
Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,”

Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,” but my quality question to women I bump into at the mall, “Do you want to have sex with me?” usually results in a restraining order.
I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were

I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were laxatives.
I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that

I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that I’ve finally solved once and for all the issue about sexual harrassment in my business. Nobody ELSE thought of hiring only prostitutes.