What’s the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?
A prostitute will stop screwing you after you’re dead.
Sensitivity: Dark
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift
I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.
But after the first two, I felt better.
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Dark Humor: The Baby Float Recipe!
How do you make a dead baby float?
One can of root beer, one scoop of vanilla, and two scoops of dead baby.
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Russian Roulette: A Surprising Safety Story
I interviewed 10,000 thousand people who had played Russian roulette and not a single one of them were harmed from the game.
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Twice the Trouble: A Wish Gone Wrong
A man meets a genie who grants him three wishes, but warns him: whatever he asks for, his ex-wife gets twice as much.
“Well,” says the man, “for my first wish, beat me half to death.”
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Respectful Farewell or Evidence Elimination?
So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”
But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”
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Three men on death row
There were three men on death row: a German, an Italian, and an Irishman.
The warden gave them a choice of how they wanted to die:
• Be shot
• Be hanged
• Be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow, painful deathThe German stepped up first.
“Shoot me right in the head.”Boom. Instant.
The Italian went next.
“Just hang me.”Snap. Done.
Then it was the Irishman’s turn.
“I’ll take some of that AIDS stuff.”
They gave him the injection.
He collapsed on the floor… laughing.
The guards looked at each other. What was wrong with this guy?
Through tears of laughter he said, “Give me another one of those shots!”
They shrugged and gave him another.
Now he’s howling, doubled over, can barely breathe from laughing.
Finally, the warden snapped, “What is wrong with you?!”
The Irishman wheezed, “You idiots… I’m wearing a condom!”
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Surprise Countdown: The Ultimate Plot Twist!
If I ever blow up a building, I’m going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer.
Won’t that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!
