Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • My First Time With a Condom

    I recall my first time with a condom. I was 19 or so.

    I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

    She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

    I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”

    So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused, so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.

    It was empty. “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door and locked it.

    Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.

    Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was nod my head.

    She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

    “Well, come on,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”

    So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW — I was done within a few minutes.

    She looked at me with a bit of a frown.

    “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.

    I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her!

  • Local Man Paralysed After Eating 413 Chicken Nuggets

    Local Man Paralysed After Eating 413 Chicken Nuggets

    Local Man Paralysed After Eating 413 Chicken Nuggets

  • Sheet Music

    Sheet Music

    Farting in bed

    Sheet music

  • Marriage Not as Good as Predator, Say Men

    Marriage Not as Good as Predator, Say Men

    Marriage not as good as ‘Predator’, say men

    MARRYING a woman who shares your hopes and dreams is still nowhere near as good as Predator, according to a new survey.

    A poll of husbands for Bride magazine found that 80% rated the Schwarzenegger epic had higher levels of excitement and intellectual stimulation than a lifetime commitment to some woman.

  • Not Even a Global Pandemic Wants You

    Not Even a Global Pandemic Wants You

    When you haven’t caught COVID and you realize not even a global pandemic wants you.

  • Ruining It Yourself

    Ruining It Yourself

    Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

  • The Circumcision

    Two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

    The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”

    “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m nervous,” the second boy says.

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about! I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream and Jell-O. It’s a breeze!”

    “Well, what are you here for?” the second kid asks.

    “A circumcision,” the first kid replies woefully.

    The second kid says, “Wow! I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year!”

  • No Longer Young

    No Longer Young

    When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

  • Tent Poles Are Not for Pole Dancing

    Tent Poles Are Not for Pole Dancing

    TENT POLES ARE NOT FOR POLE DANCING.

    PLEASE FIND ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO DISAPPOINT YOUR FATHER.

  • Geometry Fetishes

    People with geometry fetishes — they come in all shapes and sizes.