Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Misunderstanding at the Beach

    Goldie was sitting on a beach, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.

    “Hello, sir,” she said, “Do you like movies?”

    “Yes, I do,” he responded, then returned to his book.

    Goldie persisted. “Do you like gardening?”

    The man again looked up from his book. “Yes, I do,” he said politely before returning to his reading.

    Undaunted, Goldie asked, “Do you like pussycats?”

    With that the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she’d never been ravaged before.

    As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”

    The man thought for a moment and replied, “How did you know that my name was Katz?”

  • Teach a Man to Fish

    Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he becomes a lazy SOB who never works because he’s “gone fishin’!” Thanks a lot, genius!

  • Titanic Boat

    Titanic Boat

    A sunken sailboat at a marina named TITANIC

  • Doctor’s Wife Sets Straight Woman’s Misconceptions

    At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician’s wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making overtures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.

    At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, “Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!”

  • Accountant’s Creative Job Title Consultation

    A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

    He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

    The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”

    The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

    The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”

    “No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

    They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”

    The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

    “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

  • Number One

    Last night, my girlfriend told me that I’m her “number one.” That’s just great: Not only does she see another man, but I’m more numb than he is.

  • Dogs Chase Cars

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

  • Beerfuck Meets Carmen at the Bar

    So this fella spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.

    “Carmen,” she replied.

    “That’s a nice name,” he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?”

    “No, I named myself,” she answered.

    “Oh, that’s interesting, why Carmen?”

    “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “What’s your name?”

    “Beerfuck!”

  • Emergency Break Glass

    Emergency Break Glass

    IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

  • The Holy Trinity

    Probably the easiest way to explain the mystery of the Holy Trinity is that One pokes the Other in the eye and the Third goes “Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!” a lot. Of course, that might just be the NyQuil talking.