“There’s a one letter difference between ‘heroes’ and ‘herpes,’ so choose wisely, kids.” Why I’m not allowed to speak at schools anymore.
Sensitivity: Questionable
Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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45 Cents
A daughter calls her mother & says “I’m divorcing Nathan. All he wants is 6ex, 6ex and more 6ex. My v@gina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece.”
Her mother says: “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8-bedroom mansion! You drive a $250,000 Ferrari! You get $2,000 a week allowance! You take 6 vacations a year! … and, You want to throw all that away over 45 cents?”
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Fuck the Lot of You
Me talking to the sink full of dirty dishes every night
I’m going to bed. Fuck the lot of you.
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A Count or a Cunt
A kid went away to college and grew a goatee, and was very proud of it. He took a selfie and sent it to his dad with a note:
“This makes me look rather like a count, does it not?”
Dad turns to mom and says, “Kid’s grown a beard, but still can’t spell.”
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Not What It Looks Like
So a girl walks in and catches her boyfriend masturbating to an optical illusion. “What the hell are you doing?” she screams.
And he says, “Honey, it’s not what it looks like.”
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Homecoming Queen
Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is really nothing more than a high-stakes version of “Wouldn’t it be funny to elect the ugly girl homecoming queen?”
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Baby Shower So Fucking Clean
My girlfriend’s been at a baby shower for like 3 hours that baby’s gotta be so fucking clean by now what the fuck are they even doing
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Nana Recognizes You
When you’re having the best sex of your life but then Nana starts to recognize you again
@Supersaw
