They bout to have a 1.5some
Sensitivity: Questionable
Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Men Are Better at Everything
Just to prove men are
better at everything….
We won
‘Woman of the Year’
Men are amazing. -
A Round Of Golf
Joe, Ed, and Bob are on the course playing a round when a funeral procession passes by. Joe stops what he’s doing, stands straight, removes his hat, and bows his head.
Ed says, “Damn, I didn’t know Joe was so respectful of the dead!”
Bob says, “Yeah, well, they would’ve been married 30 years next week.”
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A Florida Vacation
A man and his wife lived in New York, and it was winter, so they wanted to take a vacation to Florida for some nice weather.
One small hiccup, though: they were unable to take the same plane. So they agreed that the husband would go to Florida first, and the wife would follow the next day.
The man arrived in Florida safe and sound, and he used a hotel computer to email his wife, letting her know he made it. The problem, though, was that he accidentally forgot a letter in the email address, so the email went to the wrong person.
This wrong person happened to be a woman who buried her husband that very day. He was a minister. She decided to check her email in case anyone from her church wanted to send her condolences and words of encouragement. Needless to say, when she saw an email that started, “Dear loving wife,” she fainted. Her son heard her faint from the other room and rushed to his mother’s computer room to check on her. She was okay, but this is the email he found on her computer:
“Dear loving wife,
I have arrived.
I’m sure you’re surprised to be hearing from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I have been checked in. Don’t worry, preparations have already been made for your arrival tomorrow.
I hope your journey here is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. It sure is hot down here.”
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They Say That During Sex You Burn Off Calories
They say that during sex, you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
Who the hell runs eight miles in one minute?
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A Third Opinion
A woman decides she wants to get a tattoo of Elvis on her inner thigh. She goes to a local parlor but is really dissatisfied with the resulting portrait. So, the guy goes ahead and tries again on her other thigh. Again, she’s not satisfied with the results.
“Look, lady,” he says, “I’m sorry you’re not happy, but there’s nothing wrong with the art I did. You need to pay up.”
“No way,” she says. “Neither of them look like the King of Rock and Roll. I’m not paying you a cent.”
They bicker about it for a bit and decide to get a third opinion. The next guy who walks past the shop gets corralled in by the artist. The lady hikes up her skirt and says, “Okay, do you recognize those faces?”
The guy takes a long look, then replies, “Well, I don’t know about those other dudes, but the guy in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!”
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The New Bull
A farmer has two bulls and lots of cows, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore. One day, the farmer buys a third bull. The new bull is much younger and more energetic than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
One of the two old bulls starts huffing, snorting, and pawing the ground. “Don’t try to compete with him,” says the other old bull. “You’re too old. He’d laugh at you.”
“I’m not trying to compete with him,” says the first old bull. “I just want him to know I’m not a cow.”
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Avram’s New Cow
Avram needs a new milk cow, so he travels to Minsk to buy one. When he returns, he immediately sees a problem with the new cow.
Every time the bull approached and mounted the cow to mate, the cow would pull away and run to the other side of the pasture. This went on for several days.
Getting desperate and not knowing what to do, Avram contacted his rabbi for advice. He explained, “Rabbi, my new cow will not let the bull mate. Every time he tries, she runs to the other side of the pasture.”
The rabbi thinks for a moment, then asks, “Avram, did you, perhaps, get this cow in Minsk?”
“Why, yes! How could you have known that?”
There was a long pause, then the rabbi sighed, “My wife is from Minsk.”
