Screw Folgers. The best part of waking up is a screaming self-induced orgasm while fantasizing about the lesbian scene from “Black Swan.” Damn, that was hot.
Sensitivity: Uncensored
Uncensored humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does
Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does something to ruin it? You know, like speaking.
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Sometimes you just want a guy to throw you to the ground and
Sometimes you just want a guy to throw you to the ground and fuck the living shit out of you. Other times you just want him to bring you your entrée while it’s still hot.
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(Steve R. Clancy) There once was a chick from Vancouver, Who
(Steve R. Clancy) There once was a chick from Vancouver, Who sucked cock like she was a Hoover. Till the day she got ticked And bit off a dick, Then swallowed it like an hors d’oeuvre.
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I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta
I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta.”
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Looking over my 401(k) statement recently made me queasy — even
Looking over my 401(k) statement recently made me queasy — even more so when I looked up to notice the smartphone-illuminated meth-mouth of the hooker who was riding me at the time.
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Fasterbate; verb – to attempt to quickly finish rubbing one out
Fasterbate; verb – to attempt to quickly finish rubbing one out in a place where discovery of the activity would be extremely awkward, such as at the urinal, in one’s cubicle or waiting at the drive-thru at In-and-Out Burger.
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After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t
After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t remember whether she told me that she was a “virgin” or a “vegan.” So on our first date I hedged my bets by banging her *and* bringing her a salad.
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Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let you cum in my hair.
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When my boyfriend sent me to get a Brazilian, I first thought I
When my boyfriend sent me to get a Brazilian, I first thought I was going to fuck a hot chick from Rio. Either way, now I can’t fucking walk.
