Tone: absurd

Absurd jokes, weird logic, surreal memes, and nonsense that somehow files taxes from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Cannibal Tribe and the Three Politicians

    A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are captured by a cannibal tribe in a dense jungle. The tribe chief gives them a final chance to save their lives:

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Go into the jungle and bring back ten pieces of any single fruit you can find.”

    The Republican returns first with ten apples.

    The chief says: “Now, if you can shove all ten apples up your ass without making any sound or expression on your face, we won’t eat you.”

    The Republican manages one, but at the second apple, he winces in pain. The tribe eats him.

    The Libertarian returns next with ten tiny berries.

    The chief gives him the same rule.

    The Libertarian gets to the ninth berry with complete silence… but suddenly, right before the tenth one, he bursts out laughing hysterically! The tribe eats him too.

    In heaven, the Republican meets the Libertarian and asks: “Dude, you were so close! Why on earth did you laugh on the last berry?”

    The Libertarian replies: “I couldn’t help it… I saw the Democrat coming back with ten watermelons!”

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  • I hear music

    My friend was walking down the street and he said, “I hear music.” As if there is any other way of taking it in.

    I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

  • Jesus Invited Prostitutes to Dine With Him

    Jesus Invited Prostitutes to Dine With Him

    Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him and he’s the light of the world, I do it and I’m “making Thanksgiving awkward.”

  • Killing a Huge Mouse at Disneyland

    Killing a Huge Mouse at Disneyland

    Me: *Kills a huge mouse with a baseball bat*

    Everyone else at Disneyland:

  • Camouflage Trousers

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

  • I Didn’t

    I Didn’t

    WHAT A BIG VAGINA! WHAT A BIG VAGINA!

    HOW RUDE! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO SAY IT TWICE!

    I DIDN’T

  • Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together

    Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together

    if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points

  • Muslim Band And Mexican Mall

    Muslim Band And Mexican Mall

    TRUMP: Let’s get that Muslim Band going

    “Band? We thought you said ban”

    TRUMP: No way, that’s harsh. Also, how’s that Mexican mall coming?

  • Pillsbury Funerals Cremation Services

    Pillsbury Funerals Cremation Services

    Nothing says lovin’ like something warm from the oven lol…. Woohoo

  • Putin’s Driver and the Pig

    Vladimir Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv in a car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

    Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled.

    “What happened to you?” asked Putin.

    “Well, the farmer gave me the Horilka, his wife gave me a box of cigars and their 19 year old and 21 year old daughters made mad passionate love to me simultaneously.”

    “My God, what did you tell them?” asks Putin.

    The driver replies, “I’m president Putin’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

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