Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Best Invention Since Sliced Bread

    A good, sharp knife has got to be the best invention since sliced bread.

  • Marine’s Unexpected Request Leaves Sex Workers Surprised

    The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine”

    “Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked. She said “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”

    “So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”

    “Finally I said, well, how much do you have”? The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job”

    He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…..”

    “Oh my god” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge…. then what did you do?”

    “I loaned him $75!” she said.

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  • Woman Waits for Extra Large Condom Buyer

    A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

    He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”

    She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

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  • Free Psychic Reading

    When I responded to an ad for a free psychic reading, she told me I was the type of person who wants something for nothing. How could she possibly know that?

  • Neckwear for an Octopus

    When choosing neckwear for an octopus, a bow tie is the way to go. A long tie is just likely to get tangled in the tentacles. Plus, most octopi believe that a bow tie makes them look like eccentric intellectuals rather than slimy cephalopods.

  • Renaissance Faire Riot

    A riot broke out at the local Renaissance Faire. Things got pretty ugly, but luckily the authorities intervened before anyone could start luting.

  • Anal Fetish Scam

    The Australian police have been unable to recommend prosecution for a clever scam involving a fake pornographic video company. The company places newspaper advertisements offering imported hard-core pornographic videos at reasonable prices, encouraging people to place orders and make payments via check.

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    After several weeks, the company sends a letter explaining that due to current laws, they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. They return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.

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  • Mr. Insurance Duck

    I’m confused by those ads where a duck is trying to sell people disability insurance by quacking, “AFLAC!” at them. If instead he just yelled, “Duck!” I bet most debilitating injuries could be avoided altogether. I’m on to your scam, Mr. Insurance Duck!

  • Arrest a Mime

    If I were a cop, I’d look for an excuse to arrest a mime just so I could tell them they had the right to remain silent.

  • Take Something for My Kleptomania

    I thought about trying to take something for my kleptomania, but that sort of defeats the purpose, then, doesn’t it?