Old people at weddings always poke me and say, “You’re next.”
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
It’s Not a Problem, It’s a Solution
A scientist and his apprentice are mixing fluids in a beaker.
The scientist adds a final drop to the mixture. The fluid violently shakes, turns a nasty green, and releases a puff of smoke.
The apprentice sees this reaction and asks the scientist if there’s a problem.
The scientist calmly explains that this isn’t a problem, it’s a solution.
-
Prophets Going Through the Roof
I just opened a store selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof!
-
$chool and kNOwledge
Sam went away to school. A month later, he mailed a letter to his mother:
Dear Mom,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I’m acing $pani$h and Economic$, and I $pend hour$ in the $ocial $cience$ department. $ociology i$ intere$ting!
Ju$t off I can’t think of anything I wi$h for, but it would be $uper nice if you could ju$t $end me a card, a$ you know I would alway$ love to hear from you.
Love and ki$$e$,
your $on, $amHis mother wrote back:
Dear Sammy,
I kNOw ecoNOmics, astroNOmy, and oceaNOgraphy are more than eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, your mom
-
Hooters Every Ten Years
Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.
At age thirty-two they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch. “Where do you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why Hooters?”
“They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs.”
“Perfect, you’re on.”
At age forty-two, they meet and play golf again. “Where do you wanna go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Again? Why?”
“They have cold beer, big-screen TVs, and side action on the games.”
“Yeah, boy! Let’s do it!”
At age fifty-two they meet and play again. “So, where do you wanna go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.”
“OK.”
At age sixty-two they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, “Where do you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.”
“Good choice.”
At age seventy-two they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.”
“Great choice.”
At age eighty-two they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve never been there before.”
“OK, let’s give it a try!”
-
Bumpin Dakota
BUMPIN DAKOTA MINNESOTA WISCONSIN MICHIGAN Chicago Toronto OHIO Kansis City KANSAS OKLAHOMA Dallas Houston Louisiana GEORGIA FLORIDA MEXICO Google
M’ikez 2/28/17
