I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Dolly Parton Smothers Little Short Mann
Suppose Dolly Parton married Tom Smothers, then divorced him and married Stuart Little, divorced him and married Martin Short, then divorced him and married Leslie Mann.
Her name would be Dolly Parton Smothers Little Short Mann.
-
Never Start Off on the Wrong Foot
Why is a double amputee happier than an able-bodied person?
Because they never start off on the wrong foot.
-
Safety in Numb Bears
Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.
Because there’s safety in numb bears.
-
The Tolkien White Guys
The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis, who played Gollum.
They’re the Tolkien white guys.
-
Thinking Outside The Box Gary
(At my boss’s funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)
“Who’s thinking outside the box now Gary?”
-
Dear God Most Likely Yes
OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers
DETECTIVE: dear god
OFFICER: most likely yes
