Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Two police officers stood beside a man who was bitterly crying.
“Wow,” said one police officer, “he must have really loved that car.”
“Not really,” said the other police officer. “It was five years old but fully insured. He’s crying because he just filled his gas tank.”
I was datin’ this girl from Eaton.
Or maybe it was the other way around and she was from Dayton.
A doctor couldn’t get hired at the hospital, so he opened his own clinic.
Outside, he hung a sign:
TREATMENT: $20
IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU — YOU GET $100 BACK
A lawyer saw the sign and thought, “I’ll make some easy money.”
He walked in.
Lawyer: “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, bottle No. 14 — three drops on his tongue.”
The lawyer sputters, “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Great — your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
Irritated, the lawyer returned a few days later.
Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Bottle No. 14 again — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Hey! That’s kerosene! You gave me that last time!”
Doctor: “Perfect — your memory is back. That’ll be $20.”
Fuming, the lawyer came back one more time.
Lawyer: “My eyesight is terrible. I can’t see a thing.”
Doctor: “I’m afraid we can’t help with that. Here — take this $100.”
The lawyer looks at the bill.
“Hey… this is only $20!”
Doctor: “And just like that… your eyesight is restored. That’ll be $20.”
I was at the dentist this afternoon for some impressions.
He does a good Johnny Carson but his Frank Sinatra is terrible.
RICK ASTLEY FOR PRESIDENT
HE WILL NEVER EVER
GIVE YOU UP | MAKE YOU CRY
LET YOU DOWN | SAY GOODBYE
RUN AROUND | TELL A LIE
DESERT YOU | HURT YOU
2020
“Having too much sex can cause memory loss.” I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm.
