Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • ID Theft

    My friend David has just been a victim of ID theft.

    He’s now called Dav.

  • Calendar Company

    Why did the employee at the calendar company get fired?

    He took a day off.

  • That, Gentlemen, Is Courage

    A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors.

    The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”

    He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”

    The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.

    The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage.”

    The American says, “That’s nothing.”

    He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bow. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return.”

    The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.

    The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage.”

    The British admiral says, “That’s nothing. Sailor, come here.”

    The matelot comes to attention and salutes.

    The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam, then climb up the mast and do it again.”

    The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”

    The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage.”

  • The Confessional

    A drunk staggers into a Catholic church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

    The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

    Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall.

    The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knockin’, there’s no paper on this side either.”

  • Jesus Is Bigger Than COVID-19

    Jesus Is Bigger Than COVID-19

    Radio Star

    Video

    JESUS Is Bigger Than tOVID-19

    JESUS Is Bigger Than OVID-19

  • Just Take the Fucking Picture Hillary

    Just Take the Fucking Picture Hillary

    It’s hip hop… You wouldn’t get it… Just take the fucking picture Hillary

  • Parsley Farm

    I just got hired at a parsley farm.

    It’s pretty easy work, but the downside is that they started garnishing my wages.

  • Please Don’t Be Cracked

    Please Don’t Be Cracked

    *drops phone*

    “please don’t be cracked”

    the phone:

  • Expecting Some Magic – TADA

    Expecting Some Magic – TADA

    Expecting some magic out of this lad

    JAPAN

    TADA

    beijing 2008

  • Red Flags Everywhere

    I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.

    I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.