Clever Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Rash Decisions: A Lesson from Allergies

I woke up to an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.

My instinct was to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized that one should never make rash decisions!

What’s the difference between an alligator, and a crocodile?

One you will see later; the other after a while.

I’ve decided that cremation is the only way I’m going to get a smoking hot body.

I tried to donate a kidney but they kept asking where I got it from…

What do you call a psychic little person who escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

I think my cat is a communist.

All he talks about is “Mao, Mao, Mao.”

Stevie Wonder has kids he’s never seen.

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…

He said NaBrO

My doctor told me bananas were good for the prostate.

I wish he had also told me I needed to eat them.

You say “toh-MAY-toh,” I say “toh-MAH-toh.”
You say “soothing lotion for breastfeeding mothers,” I say “boob lube.”

This is why you shouldn’t let me write the shopping list.