How do you know that a suicide victim was gay?
The teeth marks are farther down the barrel.
Tone: crude
Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Trans Fat
What do you get when you cremate a femboy/tomboy?
Trans fat.
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The 69th Wedding Anniversary
The 69th wedding anniversary should be the dildo anniversary. Not only is the number appropriate, but you’re definitely not fucking anyone by then.
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Furry Trouble in the Forest!
A bear and a bunny rabbit were pooping next to each other in the woods. The bear asked the bunny if it had problems with poop sticking to its fur.
The bunny replied with a soft, “No, Mr. Bear, I don’t have a problem with poop sticking to my fur.”
So, the bear wiped its butt with the bunny rabbit.
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Speeding Ticket for a Stretching Job!
The Rectum Stretcher
There was a middle-aged blonde lady speeding down the highway in a red sports car. She accelerated while crossing a bridge, figuring she didn’t have to worry about speed traps.
At the end of the bridge, there was a cop hidden behind a bunch of bushes. His radar gun tagged her at 95 mph. He pulled her over, walked up to the car, and asked, “What’s the hurry?”
She said, “I’m late to work.”
The cop asked, “What do you do?”
The lady responded, “I’m a rectum stretcher.”
The cop chuckled, winked at her, and asked, “Now just what in the hell does a rectum stretcher do?”
Without missing a beat, she took the opportunity to explain. “Our clients come into our office wanting their rectum stretched. We lube up their assholes until we can get two fingers in there, then we wiggle those fingers around and stretch it until we can get our entire hand inside.”
The cop was in disbelief at this point and let his mouth drop open. Disgusted but intrigued, he continued to listen.
She continued, “After we get back from lunch and the patients have had some time to rest, we put our hands back in their butthole and continue the back-and-forth stretching until we can get both hands inside. Once that’s accomplished, we proceed to stretch their rectum until it’s about six feet long!”
The cop, disheveled and in disbelief, raised his voice and said, “COME ON, LADY! NOW JUST WHAT IN THE HELL WOULD YOU DO WITH A SIX-FOOT ASSHOLE?”
She replied, “You give it a radar gun and stick it behind a bridge.”
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Sandpaper Sally: A Rough Night Out!
A man is having a terrible day. He’s broke and needs to get his mind off things. He goes to a brothel, hoping to clear his mind. Beautiful women are lined up waiting for his choice.
He talks to the madame and says, “I only have $10 to my name. Is there anyone who will fuck me?”
The madame talks with some of the girls and heads to the back room. She comes back a while later.
She tells him only one prostitute will sleep with him: Sandpaper Sally. She’s at the end of the hall.
Nervously, he walks down the hall and enters the room. A woman who isn’t the worst-looking greets him. After warming him up a bit, she begins to fuck him. Her name held true. The man was so uncomfortable while fucking that he had to stop.
He said, “I can’t do this. It’s too painful.”
Sally says, “Hang on, I’ll be right back.” She leaves for the bathroom.
The man is trying to recover. Sally comes back a little while later, and they go at it again. This time it was AMAZING. It was wet and soft. He came, and it was one of the best orgasms he has ever had.
Astonished, he looks at Sandpaper Sally and asks, “What did you do in the bathroom?”
She gives a small smile and says, “I picked off all of the scabs.”
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Okay, who farted?
Three guys from San Francisco are in a hot tub when suddenly a large blob of semen rises to the top.
One of the guys stands up, angry, and asks, “Okay, WHO farted?” -
Show it your cross
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.
The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”
“Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.
