DURING SEX YOU BURN AS MUCH CALORIES AS RUNNING FOR 5 MILES.
WHO THE FUCK RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?
Tone: crude
Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Wisdom Teeth Dicks
siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget
overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid
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Damned If I Know
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
“It’s a period” reported Johnnie.
“Well I can see that” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period?”
“Damned if I know” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy shit, Momma fainted and the man next door shot himself.”
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Better Get a Model That Gets Better Mileage
Little Johnny catches his parents shagging one afternoon. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?”
His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.”
Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”
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She Can Only Fasten 8
The teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”
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Ive Never Seen a Smaller Dick in My Life
A man goes to a urologist.
Urologist: “Sir, please take off your pants and underpants”.
The man does so.
Urologist: “I’m warning you, this is going to hurt”.
The man says that he’s ready.
Urologist, laughing: “I’ve never seen a smaller dick in my life!”
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First Football Game Sex
MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX
I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME
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Eat Her Pussy Cat
When your girlfriend invites you over to “eat her pussy” but then she starts stripping her clothes off instead of cooking her cat
*cries in ching chong*
