Crude Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Multiple Personality Anal

Her. I have multiple personality disorder

Him: Do any of them like anal?

Me: wanna fuck? 👀

Her: Why do u have to say it like that? Its supposed to be a magical moment

Me: Alakazam let me slam

I CAN’T BREATHE

Just Unbutton your Pants

Dear Lord. If you could just look away for 2 minutes.

When I’m home alone with my penis

When you’re fucking a girl in the butt and a balloon of heroin plops out

Don’t mind if I do.

Constipated woman ‘lost 10 years of memory’ after straining too hard on toilet

me coming out of the chipotle bathroom:

I have no memory of this place.

DEEP THOUGHT: Why is spicy the only flavor my butt can detect?

Why can’t I eat pancakes and then 14 hours later be like OOH PANCAKES AGAIN

if I was a worm I’d sleep in and make those early birds feel so fuckin dumb

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”

The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”