Tone: crude

Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Disabled Porn

    Disabled Porn

    I’D LIKE THE PORN IN MY ROOM TO BE DISABLED

    WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR PORN YOU SICK BASTARD

  • So Big Fuck U

    So Big Fuck U

    [about to have sex]

    her: ur so big

    me: [putting my shirt back on] fuck u

  • Only Chick Raw Dog

    Only Chick Raw Dog

    The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support

  • Bryan County Bond

    Bryan County Bond

    BRYAN COUNTY JAIL

    WOMAN IN BRYAN COUNTY SUCKS OFF MAN’S PENIS

    Doyle Hargraves

    HOW MUCH IS HER BOND?

  • Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only

    Quickies

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    Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
    A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

    Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
    A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

    Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
    A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

    Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
    A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
    A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”

    Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
    A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

    Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
    A: K9P.

    Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
    A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

    Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
    A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

    Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
    A: Dill-dough

    Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
    A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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  • Deli Salami: No Slicing Required

    A fag walks into a corner deli, takes a number, and waits his turn. Soon, his turn comes up, and the deli boy asks, “Well, what will it be today, sir?”

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    To this, the fag replies, “I’ll have a half pound of roast beef, a pound of your swiss cheese, and I’ll take that nice long salami you’ve got hanging by the window.”

    After slicing the swiss cheese and the beef, the deli boy then asks him, “Sir, would you like me to slice the salami as well?”

    To this the fag replies, “Slice the salami?! What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?”

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  • Love Blooms in Workplace Jealousy

    “Darling,” murmured the girl to her boyfriend, “when did you first realize that you were in love with me?”

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    “Well, I suppose…” whispered the man tenderly, “it was when I started getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a lousy lay.”

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  • Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem

    Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.

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    In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.

    “Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”

    The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.

    “Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”

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  • Hold On for Eight Seconds

    Do you know what a rodeo fuck is?

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    Your wife/girlfriend gets on all fours. You mount up, making sure you have a good grip.

    Then you say, “Honey, you’re the worst piece of ass I ever had!”

    Then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.

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  • Computer Safety: A Gentleman’s Guide

    1. It is unsafe to lick your monitor while it is ON.

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    2. The orifices in the back of your monitor are NOT intended for participation in the LIVE sex shows.

    3. The fan in your computer’s power supply is not a good place to cool your “heat of passion” (although, it would certainly be an enlightening experience).

    4. Be prepared to replace your keyboard often if you enjoy “tickling the keys” with your manhood.

    5. Semen IS electrically conductive!

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