Tone: ironic

One day, while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.

He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.

“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, ma’am. Could I see your driver’s license?”

“What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

“Now, may I see your registration?” asked the cop.

“Registration… what’s that?” asked the blonde.

“It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently.

After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer called in to dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back. “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”

“Yes,” replied the officer.

“Is she a drop-dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher.

“Uh… yes,” replied the cop.

“Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”

“What? I can’t do that. It’s… inappropriate,” exclaimed the cop.

“Trust me. Just do it,” said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs, “Ohh no… not another breathalyser…”

A man walks into a pharmacy and spends several minutes wandering up and down the aisles. Eventually, a clerk asks if he needs any help.

“I’m looking for a box of tampons for my wife,” he says.

The clerk points him to the right aisle.

A few minutes later, the man returns carrying a giant bag of cotton balls and a spool of string, then sets them on the counter.

The clerk looks puzzled. “Sir, I don’t mean to be nosy, and feel free not to answer, but I thought you were buying tampons for your wife.”

“You see,” the man says, “yesterday I sent my wife to the store for a carton of cigarettes. She came home with a tin of tobacco and a pack of rolling papers because, according to her, ‘It’s soooo much cheaper.’

“So if I have to roll my own, so does she.”

A principal is in a health class telling them it will be sex education week and gym teacher Mr. Wilson will be teaching.

The principal exits the classroom, then comes in walking Mr. Wilson with a banana in hand.

“Class, today I will be teaching you all how to properly put on a condom.”

The kids look at him and the banana.

Mr. Wilson tells them, “You’re probably wondering why I have a banana. Well, because it’s hard for me to get an erection on an empty stomach.”