5 minutes after “I’m kind of a shy person” On Tinder
Tone: ironic
Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Open Box Before Eating Pizza
Americans: We have the most advanced country in the world.
Also Americans:
[Open box before eating pizza.]
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Pretty Good Footage
My cellphone accidentally took a 10-minute video of my shoes yesterday…
It was some pretty good footage.
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Working Tirelessly
WANTED: A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
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Lives With His Wife
Women won’t date a guy that lives with his mom but they will date a guy that lives with his wife
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The Kia vs. the Rolls-Royce
A man driving a Kia stops at a traffic light next to a Rolls-Royce.
The Kia driver rolls down his window and calls out to the Rolls-Royce driver, “Hey, pal, that’s an impressive car. Does your Rolls have Wi-Fi? My Kia does!”
The Rolls-Royce driver replies, “Yes, it has Wi-Fi.”
The Kia driver continues, “Nice! And do you have a fridge in there? I have a fridge in the backseat of my Kia!”
The Rolls-Royce driver, getting irritated, responds, “Yes, there’s a refrigerator.”
Not backing down, the Kia driver asks, “That’s cool, man! What about a TV? I’ve got a TV in my Kia’s backseat!”
The Rolls-Royce driver, increasingly annoyed, says, “Yes, there’s a television. A Rolls-Royce is the epitome of luxury vehicles!”
The Kia driver says, “Amazing car! But do you have a bed in there? I’ve got a bed in the back of my Kia!”
Frustrated that his car lacks a bed, the Rolls-Royce driver speeds off. He heads straight to the dealership and orders a bed to be installed in his Rolls. The following morning, he picks up his car, and the bed looks fantastic, complete with silk sheets and elegant brass accents. It’s undoubtedly a bed suited for a Rolls-Royce.
The Rolls-Royce driver spends the entire day searching for the Kia. Finally, late that night, he spots the Kia parked with fogged-up windows. He gets out of his Rolls-Royce and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first, there’s no response, but then the owner pokes his head out, dripping wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the Rolls-Royce driver declares smugly.
The Kia driver replies, “Did you really drag me out of the shower just to tell me that?!”
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After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my
After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.
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Consumer advice: They cost a little more,
Consumer advice: They cost a little more,
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It seems reasonable to think that a “crap shoot” and a “poop
It seems reasonable to think that a “crap shoot” and a “poop shoot” are pretty much the same thing, but it turns out that they aren’t. Also, sometimes when something happens in Vegas, word spreads to Atlantic City.
