In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my appendage to hide the wood I was sporting. Now that I’m older and more mature, I throw a parade in its honor.
Tone: ironic
Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you
Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you kiss it and make it better?” should be used very sparingly. Sooner or later you’re going to lose your balance mountainbiking and bang it against the gooseneck, giving you a good 10 minutes of intense sharp pain, after which you’ll return home and she’ll be all “I’m not falling for that again!”
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I should have known that the way I learned to “dissemenate”
I should have known that the way I learned to “dissemenate” information at the porn conference wouldn’t work at the PTA meeting.
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I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were
I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were laxatives.
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Vajayjay. Hoo-ha. Honey pot. Love canal. Man, at the rate they
Vajayjay. Hoo-ha. Honey pot. Love canal. Man, at the rate they keep coming up with new names for lady-parts, I’ll never graduate from medical school.
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I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that
I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that I’ve finally solved once and for all the issue about sexual harrassment in my business. Nobody ELSE thought of hiring only prostitutes.
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What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down
What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down in the anals of history.
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With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case
With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case of “genital anthrax.” And when they find out I work at the post office, the boss is really going to question my mail-handling procedures.
