
Tone: ironic
Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me
I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together! -
Try again, Einstein
Day after day, the same guy keeps taking my favorite parking space at work, so I keep keying the sides of his car. And each morning, he shows up again with it painted a new color and with a different license plate, just to confuse me. Ha! Try again, Einstein!
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The Donkey Clock
An American man visiting Mexico finds his wristwatch has stopped working. He’s got a flight to catch in a few hours, so he tries to ask a local the time but doesn’t know the language. Finally he meets an old Mexican man sitting next to a donkey who speaks English. “Excuse me, Señor, but do you know the time?” the American asks.
The old man reaches up and grabs the donkey’s balls. He twists them to the left, then he moves them to the right, then he lifts them up. “Sí, Señor, it’s 2:20,” he replies.
The American stands there for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he replies, “Gracias, Señor,” and walks away pondering what he just witnessed.
A short time passes and the American wants to see the old man’s trick again, so he asks him the time. The old man again grabs the donkey’s balls — he twists them left, then moves them right, then lifts them up. “It’s 2:45,” the old man replies.
“How in the hell are you doing that? How do you tell the time with donkey balls?” says the American.
The old man replies, “You see, Señor, I twist them left, I turn them right, then I lift them so I can see that clock over there.”
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Show Him Your Badge
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday.
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.
I replied, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face.
“See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked, no answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to my chores.
A short time later, I heard loud screams. I looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.
With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like the officer would get gored before he made it to safety.
So I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:
“Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!”










