Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A father came home and found his 8-year-old boy sitting on the front porch smoking a cigar. He marched up to the lad, removed the cigar from the boy’s mouth and said, “I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re sitting there smoking that cigar because you just became a father.”
“Hell no, Dad,” said the boy, “Cindy ain’t even reached puberty yet.”
My wife walked in on me watching Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis.
As she left the room she said, “Turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis.”
A teacher sternly informs her class that no excuse, from a papercut to the plague, is acceptable for missing a final exam.
When students suggest scenarios like car issues or roadblocks, she tells them to walk or find a detour.
Finally, a student asks what to do in the case of “extreme sexual exhaustion”?
To which the teacher deadpans, “You’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”
Why doesn’t Jesus drink?
Because the last time he got hammered, it took him 3 days to recover.
What’s the difference between a bunch of pygmies and the Stanford women’s track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
What’s the difference between a crab with breast implants and a transportation terminal?
One’s a crusty bus station.
What’s the difference between a magician’s wand and a policeman’s taser?
The magician’s wand is for cunning stunts.
One bright and cheery Saturday morning, a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it.
The stranger says, “Hello. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories.”
After a quick thought, the homeowner says, “Well, come on in.” He takes the stranger to the living room. “Please have a seat and let me bring you a cup of coffee.”
Upon returning with a freshly brewed cup, he says to the stranger, “Now, what about these stories you have to enlighten me with?”
The Jehovah’s Witness says, “Fuck if I know. I never got this far before.”
