The best part of waking up is not about coffee in my cup. It’s realizing I’m still young enough to have morning wood.
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I like my coffee like I like my women: half-digested and culled
I like my coffee like I like my women: half-digested and culled from the feces of the Asian Palm Civet.
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Thank God for Ruminations. I’ve tried for years to get Heloise
Thank God for Ruminations. I’ve tried for years to get Heloise to publish the following hint: “Tired of sleeping on the wet spot? Keep a hair dryer plugged in next to the bed. One minute on high is all it takes to dry that spot up so you can sleep easy.”
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If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they
If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they maybe invent one that makes a vagina shallower?
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I’m just a kid at heart. A huge-titted, porn-watching,
I’m just a kid at heart. A huge-titted, porn-watching, masturbating kid.
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I’m not sure who to call — the patent office? Not to show my
I’m not sure who to call — the patent office? Not to show my hand too soon, but I think I figured out a cheap and easy way to make wet tissues at home.
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“I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome I took
“I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome I took some comfort there.” Notice how gentle “cornholing some chick” sounds in folk music?
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I’m not the kind of girl who whores herself out for booty calls;
I’m not the kind of girl who whores herself out for booty calls; with MY rack, it’s all about Titty Calls.
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I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me
I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me a peanut fluffer and K-Y Jelly sandwich.
