Tone: Sarcastic

Sarcastic jokes, dry insults, eye-roll energy, and punchlines that need a workplace warning from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up

But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up grabbing my attention. (Jim Woodruff My new girlfriend is the sexiest woman in the world: big firm breasts, gorgeous eyes and lips, luscious curving hips, long and thick peni– hey, wait just a fucking minute! Oh, my god. I can’t believe this! She totally forgot to wish me a happy one-week anniversary!
I am routinely disgusted upon seeing my wife’s issues of

I am routinely disgusted upon seeing my wife’s issues of “Fitness” and “Shape” magazines, with scantily attired women adorning the cover. I mean, they *always* find a way to put the damn mailing label on top of the cameltoe!
I think all in-flight movies should be porn. That way the Mile

I think all in-flight movies should be porn. That way the Mile High Club assholes could get if over with faster so the rest of us could use the damn toilet.
I don’t understand the fuss about letting gays serve in the

I don’t understand the fuss about letting gays serve in the military, especially when you consider how much the army likes to keep its privates at attention.
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?
Boyfriends are like used car salesmen: They lie, they scam, and

Boyfriends are like used car salesmen: They lie, they scam, and they fuck your brains out in the backseat.
Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,”

Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,” but my quality question to women I bump into at the mall, “Do you want to have sex with me?” usually results in a restraining order.
Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line

Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line between “Virginia” and “Vagina” in your search results. And most of the “Virginia” links are really boring.
With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case

With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case of “genital anthrax.” And when they find out I work at the post office, the boss is really going to question my mail-handling procedures.
All this romantic talk about the royal wedding has made me

All this romantic talk about the royal wedding has made me realize something about my amazing boyfriend: It’s been WEEKS since he’s asked me to put anything in his ass.