Tone: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure

I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure my scat fetish, and all it took was having to change my twin nieces’ diapers over the holiday weekend.
I’m NOT a nerd. It was merely a mental slip when my girlfriend

I’m NOT a nerd. It was merely a mental slip when my girlfriend said the word “dildo” and I thought she was talking about that dude in “The Hobbit.”
People say I’m the life of the party ’cause I tell a joke or two

People say I’m the life of the party ’cause I tell a joke or two — though I’m pretty sure my letting the guys bang me on the coffee table might be a factor.
My buddy thought I was nuts when we spotted an extremely large

My buddy thought I was nuts when we spotted an extremely large woman and I said, “Man! I’d like to get all up in dat!” What he doesn’t understand is that my comment was actually about my return-to-the-womb issues.
Silly me. I assumed my girlfriend’s nickname of “Thunder Thighs”

Silly me. I assumed my girlfriend’s nickname of “Thunder Thighs” had something to do with their size — until I heard the rumbling noises that often emanate from near the tops of them.
When she said was into leather and chains, I bought her a Harley

When she said was into leather and chains, I bought her a Harley riding jacket. When she said she liked watersports, I naively showed up with my snorkel. So today when she told me she had some shit to do around the house, I decided to stay away altogether, just in case.
If I wrote Star Trek, the Prime Directive would be “Face down,

If I wrote Star Trek, the Prime Directive would be “Face down, ass up.” Maybe that’s why I don’t do well with Trekkers.
My girlfriend likes to watch me jerk off. Too bad she doesn’t

My girlfriend likes to watch me jerk off. Too bad she doesn’t like to watch me eat Froot Loops and play video games, because that would pretty much cover my entire day.
I call my penis The Gun, because, honestly, it should probably

I call my penis The Gun, because, honestly, it should probably be much more strictly regulated in order to prevent future tragedies.
(Marco C.) Got through a whole evening out without any

(Marco C.) Got through a whole evening out without any inappropriate boners. I just hope I’m ready next time a boner is appropriate.