Tone: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I don’t know why my wife complains so much. If I were a bull

I don’t know why my wife complains so much. If I were a bull rider, lasting 8 seconds would win me a lot of rodeo competitions.
I don’t know why men are always so interested in tits. On the

I don’t know why men are always so interested in tits. On the other hand, I don’t know why *I’m* so interested in them either. Ah, the mysteries of life.
When the Boy Toy told me he wanted to do it in a moving car, I

When the Boy Toy told me he wanted to do it in a moving car, I was happy to oblige. I just wish he has told me it was a convertible, so I could have worn a top that stays on in high winds. Oh, well, the truckers didn’t mind.
Call me naive, but when a guy invited me to his place for “a

Call me naive, but when a guy invited me to his place for “a little scat,” I honestly thought there would be improvised jazz singing involved.
If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits,

If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits, I’d stick them on my tits. I’ll bet they’d make *awesome* pasties.
Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the

Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the lovely maid who arrives as you leave your extended-stay hotel room for a quick bite to eat. Bad: Realizing 10 minutes later that you left your wank rag and hotel lotion on the night stand. Again.
The concierge looked at me funny when I asked to get extra

The concierge looked at me funny when I asked to get extra coffee and lotion delivered to my room, but, hey, I may be on vacation, but my penis isn’t!
I know the Bible says “Love thy neighbor as thy self,” but I

I know the Bible says “Love thy neighbor as thy self,” but I don’t care what Jesus says — I’m not about to go around giving
I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure

I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure my scat fetish, and all it took was having to change my twin nieces’ diapers over the holiday weekend.
I’m NOT a nerd. It was merely a mental slip when my girlfriend

I’m NOT a nerd. It was merely a mental slip when my girlfriend said the word “dildo” and I thought she was talking about that dude in “The Hobbit.”