Tone: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I should never have told that chick on Craigslist that I was

I should never have told that chick on Craigslist that I was into humiliation. Right after she had HER orgasm, she took me to a bus stop and gave me $2 for fare.
You’d think my girlfriend would be more open to anal sex,

You’d think my girlfriend would be more open to anal sex, considering she’s thoroughly enjoyed my kissing her ass all these years.
I don’t know why my wife complains so much. If I were a bull

I don’t know why my wife complains so much. If I were a bull rider, lasting 8 seconds would win me a lot of rodeo competitions.
I don’t know why men are always so interested in tits. On the

I don’t know why men are always so interested in tits. On the other hand, I don’t know why *I’m* so interested in them either. Ah, the mysteries of life.
When the Boy Toy told me he wanted to do it in a moving car, I

When the Boy Toy told me he wanted to do it in a moving car, I was happy to oblige. I just wish he has told me it was a convertible, so I could have worn a top that stays on in high winds. Oh, well, the truckers didn’t mind.
Call me naive, but when a guy invited me to his place for “a

Call me naive, but when a guy invited me to his place for “a little scat,” I honestly thought there would be improvised jazz singing involved.
If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits,

If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits, I’d stick them on my tits. I’ll bet they’d make *awesome* pasties.
Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the

Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the lovely maid who arrives as you leave your extended-stay hotel room for a quick bite to eat. Bad: Realizing 10 minutes later that you left your wank rag and hotel lotion on the night stand. Again.
The concierge looked at me funny when I asked to get extra

The concierge looked at me funny when I asked to get extra coffee and lotion delivered to my room, but, hey, I may be on vacation, but my penis isn’t!
I know the Bible says “Love thy neighbor as thy self,” but I

I know the Bible says “Love thy neighbor as thy self,” but I don’t care what Jesus says — I’m not about to go around giving