If I could be young again, I’d become a Flamenco dancer. High school beatings only last four years, but I’d have decades of pussy.
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I made the mistake of shopping for a new bed with my wife. While
I made the mistake of shopping for a new bed with my wife. While the salesperson was more than happy to indulge her questions about “plushness” and “comfort,” all I received was blank stares when I voiced concerns about the bedframe’s durability when I’m ramming it home.
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to be on top tonight because that last dump made me a full two
to be on top tonight because that last dump made me a full two pounds lighter.
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The best things about sleeping with women: their softness, their
The best things about sleeping with women: their softness, their warmth and their inability to poke me in the ass with a boner.
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I got my super power the same way Spider-Man did. Except instead
I got my super power the same way Spider-Man did. Except instead of my hand, I got bit on my cock. And instead of a radioactive spider, it was a cheap hooker. And my “power” is Hepatitis C. Other than that though, it’s exactly the same.
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When my boyfriend started calling me his Rose Garden, I thought
When my boyfriend started calling me his Rose Garden, I thought it was because I was sweet and smelled nice. Turns out it was because of all the little pricks I’ve had in my bush.
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I used to feel confident because so many gay dudes were hot for
I used to feel confident because so many gay dudes were hot for me. Then I realized that gay dudes, like me, will stick their dicks in anything.
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The best thing about solitary confinement: Nobody walks in while
The best thing about solitary confinement: Nobody walks in while I’m masturbating.
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The reason I keep going back to Cherry is that she appreciates
The reason I keep going back to Cherry is that she appreciates my eccentricities, like using exactly 2.5 tablespoons of lube, and that it has to be applied clockwise to both my cock and her sphincter, once before and once midway through. Yep, I’m *very* anal about anal.
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If you can’t tell the difference between my erect penis and a
If you can’t tell the difference between my erect penis and a pocketed banana, why the hell should I be happy?
