Screw Folgers. The best part of waking up is a screaming self-induced orgasm while fantasizing about the lesbian scene from “Black Swan.” Damn, that was hot.
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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They say you can conserve water by putting a brick in your
They say you can conserve water by putting a brick in your toilet tank. I must be saving a ton of water because I drop one directly in the bowl every morning.
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I cried because I didn’t have Jilly G’s tits. Then I met a man
I cried because I didn’t have Jilly G’s tits. Then I met a man who did, and I thought, “At least my hands are free to write a Rumination about Jilly G’s tits.”
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Sometimes I think my man just looks at me as a sex toy. A hot,
Sometimes I think my man just looks at me as a sex toy. A hot, wet, squirmy, stand-upsex-in-the-shower, reverse cowgirl sex toy.
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It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the
It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the sexual problems in my marriage and suggest to my wife that maybe we should have an open relationship and have sex with other people. Her response of “THANK YOU, GOD!!!!” sure didn’t help.
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I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary
I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary will say, “He died doing what he loved: coming up with filthy Ruminations on the shitter.”
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I guess I can be pretty naive. When my e-Harmony date texted me
I guess I can be pretty naive. When my e-Harmony date texted me that he “couldn’t wait to spend time looking at the top of my head”, I thought he was just really tall.
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I should never have told that chick on Craigslist that I was
I should never have told that chick on Craigslist that I was into humiliation. Right after she had HER orgasm, she took me to a bus stop and gave me $2 for fare.
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You’d think my girlfriend would be more open to anal sex,
You’d think my girlfriend would be more open to anal sex, considering she’s thoroughly enjoyed my kissing her ass all these years.
