I hate it when people tell my boyfriend, “You’re so lucky to have such a cute, funny girlfriend.” Have they not noticed the tits?!
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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To those guys who take a leak at the urinal hands-free, I have
To those guys who take a leak at the urinal hands-free, I have this to say: I *have* to hold mine to keep it from touching the urinal.
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They say you can conserve water by putting a brick in your
They say you can conserve water by putting a brick in your toilet tank. I must be saving a ton of water because I drop one directly in the bowl every morning.
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I cried because I didn’t have Jilly G’s tits. Then I met a man
I cried because I didn’t have Jilly G’s tits. Then I met a man who did, and I thought, “At least my hands are free to write a Rumination about Jilly G’s tits.”
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Sometimes I think my man just looks at me as a sex toy. A hot,
Sometimes I think my man just looks at me as a sex toy. A hot, wet, squirmy, stand-upsex-in-the-shower, reverse cowgirl sex toy.
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It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the
It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the sexual problems in my marriage and suggest to my wife that maybe we should have an open relationship and have sex with other people. Her response of “THANK YOU, GOD!!!!” sure didn’t help.
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I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary
I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary will say, “He died doing what he loved: coming up with filthy Ruminations on the shitter.”
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I guess I can be pretty naive. When my e-Harmony date texted me
I guess I can be pretty naive. When my e-Harmony date texted me that he “couldn’t wait to spend time looking at the top of my head”, I thought he was just really tall.
