[watching the Lion King]
ME: I’ve never seen this before.
WIFE: Oh dear, better get the tissues ready.
ME: I hardly think I’m going to jack off to a bunch of lions Karen.
Tone: unexpected
Unexpected humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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ALDI Customer Care – Fact Hunt
ALDI CUSTOMER CARE
Thanks to Pete from Featherstone for the lovely Pic of his wife, but the Competition was called “Fact Hunt”
#awkward
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Sleeping Bag
You ever get laid in a sleeping bag? It’s awful.
You can’t ever move, you’re drenched in sweat, and your scout master is covering your mouth.
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Hi I’m Howard Cosell and You’re Not Going to Believe the Shit I’m About to Tell You
Hi I’m Howard Cosell and I just looked into the future and you’re not going to believe the Shit I’m about to tell you!!
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Son, I Came Across This Porno Magazine Under Your Mattress
SON… I CAME ACROSS THIS PORNO MAGAZINE, UNDER YOUR MATTRESS
ASSES
…AND A LITTLE BIT ON THE FLOOR.
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Ever Been Driving and Flick a Cigarette Out the Window
Ever been driving and flick a cigarette out the window, then a minute later smell something and look in the back seat to find your grandmother fingering herself?
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My First Time With a Condom
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 19 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused, so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.
It was empty. “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.
Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
“Well, come on,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW — I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown.
“Did you put that condom on?” she asked.
I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her!
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The Old Man and the Prostitute
A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hadn’t had a customer in a while, so she whistles at him and says, “Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?”
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos
