Tone: unexpected

Unexpected humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • At Confession

    Girl: “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

    Priest: “What have you done, my child?”

    Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

    Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

    Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

    Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

    Girl: “Yes, Father.”

    Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”

    Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”

    Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)

    Girl: “Yes, Father.”

    Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

    Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, Father.”

    Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)

    Girl: “Yes, Father.”

    Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

    Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”

    Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

    Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”

    Priest: (after a few minutes) “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

    Girl: “But Father, he had AIDS!”

    Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”

  • A Visit To The Brothel

    A midget walks into a brothel with a honeycomb under his arm and a donkey following closely behind. He asks the headmistress for a woman for the evening, as his wife had left him.

    She says, “Sure thing, but I gotta ask, what’s with the honeycomb and the donkey?”

    He says, “Well, my wife found a genie’s lamp, and her first wish was a home fit for a queen, and she ended up with a honeycomb. Then she asked for the nicest ass ever, and so she got this very well-behaved donkey.”

    The mistress asks about the third wish, and the midget says she wished I had a dick that hung past my knee.

    She says, “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

    “It wouldn’t be that bad except I used to be 6’3”!”

  • A Tree Falls in a Forest

    A Tree Falls in a Forest

    [tree falls in forest]

    [doesn’t make a sound]

    GUY IN CAMOUFLAGE: What the—

    TREE: oh shit I mean AHHH!!!

  • When You Accidentally Snort a Drumstick

    When You Accidentally Snort a Drumstick

    When you accidentally snort
    a drumstick 🍗

  • Is This Good for Wasps?

    Is This Good for Wasps?

    Is this good
    for wasps?

    No, it kills
    them.

  • Free Air Guitar

    Free Air Guitar

    FREE AIR GUITAR

    PLEASE TAKE ONE

  • Heavy Lifting

    Heavy Lifting

    I’m going to be really impressed by the
    people who can lift a box like this

  • Starfish Have Mouths in the Middle of Their Bodies

    Starfish Have Mouths in the Middle of Their Bodies

    Starfish have mouths in
    the middle of their bodies

    Yeah so
    what

    Mermaids use
    them as bras

  • When Someone Drinks Constantly

    When Someone Drinks Constantly

    When someone
    drinks constantly
    they’re…

    Addicted.

    When someone
    does drugs all the
    time they’re…

    Addicted.

    What hit you in the
    face last night??

    Addicted.

  • NyQuil and DayQuil

    NyQuil and DayQuil

    When you take NyQuil and
    DayQuil… at the same time