Witty Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Behind Bars: The Tale of Police Seats

What’s black and always in the back of a police car?
The seats.

What do you call a black guy that flies a plane?
A pilot, you racist!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said you’d never forget!!!

What’s green and furry and has four legs and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you’ll die?
A pool table.

What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and Bolts.

Why do they put barcodes on the side of ships from Norway?
So they can Scandinavian.

What is brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre

Times New Roman and Lucinda Calligraphy go into a bar.
The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here”.

Two hunters were out in the woods when one of them suddenly collapsed.

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.

The other grabbed his phone, called emergency services, and yelled, “Help! We were out hunting, and I think my buddy’s dead! What do I do?!”

The operator said calmly, “All right, sir. First, make sure he’s dead.”

There was a pause… then two gunshots.

The hunter came back on the line and said, “Okay — now what?”

What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
You might be tempted to say “Arrrrrrr” but a pirate’s first love is the C.