Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I kept hanging flyers all over the campus, but no one ever came to our shows.

I kept hanging flyers all over the campus, but no one ever came to our shows. In hindsight, our band probably could have come up with a better name than Lost Dog.
Considering its primary use in a vehicle, I think they should rename it “the most junk

Considering its primary use in a vehicle, I think they should rename it “the most junk not including gloves I can cram into the smallest possible area and still close the damn door” compartment.
I try to not sweat the small stuff.

I try to not sweat the small stuff. My pores are so damn big it oozes out in unpleasantly large chunks.
I was helping my 9-year-old daughter do research for her book report on horseback riding

I was helping my 9-year-old daughter do research for her book report on horseback riding for kids. So I Googled the following: “pony, ride, under age 18.” … and I swear that’s the truth, Your Honor.
I used to enjoy taking afternoon vacations in my mind, but I eventually got lazy and the

I used to enjoy taking afternoon vacations in my mind, but I eventually got lazy and the service at my mental resort went downhill. So I stopped tipping, but now I suspect that I’ve begun spitting in my drinks to get even.
And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived.

And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived. Maybe I hadn’t gotten Jeff Gordon’s autograph, but I had learned that NASA and NASCAR are not the same thing, and in the long run, that was probably more valuable.
If this whole Heath Ledger tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not the only

If this whole Heath Ledger tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not the only one who makes numerous inappropriate calls to Mary-Kate Olsen with a dead body in the room.
As the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was horrified to discover I now looked like Tom

As the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was horrified to discover I now looked like Tom Wopat. That quack plastic surgeon must have given me Luke-tox injections by mistake.
I began to suspect that something was very wrong when the time management seminar went

I began to suspect that something was very wrong when the time management seminar went into its third week.
Every time I look in my mirror I appear to be 30 pounds heavier and eight inches shorter.

Every time I look in my mirror I appear to be 30 pounds heavier and eight inches shorter. That’s the last time I buy used furniture at the carnival.