A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosTone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Smuggler at the Border
At the border, a man rides up on a bicycle with a sack on the luggage rack.
The customs officer stops him and asks, “Do you have anything to declare?”
“Nothing,” the man replies.
“And what’s in the sack?”
“Sand.”
The officer inspects the sack. Sure enough, nothing but sand.
The next day, the man returns on the bicycle with another sack of sand.
Again, the officer checks it. Nothing but sand.
This goes on every day for a week.
By the eighth day, the officer has become increasingly suspicious. He sifts the sand. Nothing.
The man continues crossing the border every day. After two more weeks, the officer finally sends the sand off to a laboratory for analysis.
The results come back: nothing but sand.
Another month passes. By now, the customs officer is losing his mind.
Finally, he pulls the man aside and says, “Listen… off the record, between you and me, I promise I won’t tell a soul. But you have to tell me what you’re smuggling.”
The man looks around carefully, leans in, and whispers:
“Bicycles.”
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The Clocks in Heaven
A man died, went to Heaven and met Jesus.
While Jesus was showing him round, the man spotted a broken clock.
“What’s that, then?” he asked.
Jesus said, “That’s Mother Teresa’s clock. It has never moved because she has never lied.”
“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”
“Where is Donald Trump’s clock?” asked the man.
Jesus smiled. “It’s in my office, I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”
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The German at McDonald’s
A German man walks into a McDonald’s in the United States…
After waiting in line, he finally gets to the counter, and he orders a pint of beer, because you can get beer at McDonald’s in Germany.
An American customer overhears the man’s order, and he approaches the German man and says, “How could you be so stupid? You cannot order beer here.” while laughing at the German man right to his face.
The German man thinks for a second and then he starts laughing uncontrollably. Not just any laugh. This is a laugh so intense that he is struggling not to fall over.
The American customer is no longer laughing. He now has a puzzled look on his face. He asks the German man, “What’s so funny?”
The German man says, “I just realised that you came here for the food.”
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The Teen and the Exam Excuse
A smart-mouthed teen at the back of the class raised his hand and asked…
“Miss, what would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class broke out in laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said… “Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”
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Had to Pop the Trunk
I won a balloon elephant at the fair and it wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car. So I had to pop the trunk.
