My big fantasy is being a pizza delivery boy making a delivery to a mansion where a porn film is being shot and arriving at the location at precisely the same moment as the actor playing the role of the pizza-delivery boy.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Just as I was about to slip some more company pens and note pads into my pocket, that
Just as I was about to slip some more company pens and note pads into my pocket, that small inner voice stopped me, saying, “Jerry, don’t do that. It’s wrong.” Then it added, “Why don’t you kill everybody here instead?”
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Those bastards at the dating service rejected my application because the three
Those bastards at the dating service rejected my application because the three adjectives I chose to describe myself were “intense,” “trigger-happy” and “loner.” Oh, wait… silly me: “Loner” is a noun! Well, *that* explains it.
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People are often taken aback when I, a man, describe myself as having a girlish figure.
People are often taken aback when I, a man, describe myself as having a girlish figure. Hey, with my man-boobs and huge belly, I look just like my eight-months pregnant neighbor.
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When it comes down to it, it’s the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile.
When it comes down to it, it’s the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile.
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Football is a game of inches — much like naked limbo.
Football is a game of inches — much like naked limbo.
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If you possess super powers, I guess I can understand wearing a bright red, blue and
If you possess super powers, I guess I can understand wearing a bright red, blue and yellow jumpsuit with a large “S” on it. But to wear a big red cape, too? That starts to look like you’re trying to rub it in.
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I love fajitas.
I love fajitas. Unfortunately, they make me fajart.
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The great thing about convincing mimes to join Fight Club — besides totally beating
The great thing about convincing mimes to join Fight Club — besides totally beating their asses — is knowing they’ll never break rules 1 and 2.
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I would think that when God needs a break from the pressure of running the universe, He
I would think that when God needs a break from the pressure of running the universe, He takes a couple of Almightiagra tablets to temporarily relieve His omnipotence.
