I can find something beautiful about anyone. There’s beauty in strength, in perseverance, in overcoming adversity, but I’ve always found the most beauty in someone who is really, really, really pretty.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die.
I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die. That’s how Johnny Cash got caught.
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The sad aging of my rock ‘n’ roll heroes can be summed up in three words: Moobs like
The sad aging of my rock ‘n’ roll heroes can be summed up in three words: Moobs like Jagger’s.
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My mother loves Valentine’s Day because it’s the only day of the year when she doesn’t
My mother loves Valentine’s Day because it’s the only day of the year when she doesn’t have to remind me what a lonely, pathetic loser I am.
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If I were rich, I’d send an amazingly expensive, yet unmanned, capsule to another galaxy
If I were rich, I’d send an amazingly expensive, yet unmanned, capsule to another galaxy with a plaque in it reading: “This Spaceship Intentionally Left Blank.” Whoever found it would realize that since we Earthlings would go that friggin’ far for a pun, we’d go oh-so much farther to punish someone for stealing our water or whales or what have you.
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Being a dull boy makes Jack consent to an all work/no play situation in the first place.
Being a dull boy makes Jack consent to an all work/no play situation in the first place.
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There is no greater hate in the universe than that between a couple who builds IKEA
There is no greater hate in the universe than that between a couple who builds IKEA furniture together.
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Few things are as underappreciated as nose hair.
Few things are as underappreciated as nose hair. Not only does it filter out germs and other things that cause respiratory ailments, but I’ve found that having an abundance of it has drastically reduced my chances of catching a sexually transmitted disease.
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Yes, global warming is real.
Yes, global warming is real. What they never mention, however, is that heat today is cooler.
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When my parents get too old to take care of themselves, screw the nursing home — I’m
When my parents get too old to take care of themselves, screw the nursing home — I’m going to plant 2 kilos of coke on them and call the DEA. That should get them 20 years of free care.
