A young lady goes to her professor and says “Sir, I know I’m failing this course, but I really need to pass it, and I’m prepared to do anything to see that I do!”
The professor says, “So, would you-”
“Yes!”
“-be prepared to-”
“YES!!”
“…study?”
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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You Already Own Her Home
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, “I want her home before midnight.” The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied….
“But you already own her home!”
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CEO’s Impossible Interview Question Stumps Everyone
A high end and very well known business wants to hire a new accountant.
But everybody who went in for an interview got rejected. People with 30+ years in the industry were turned away like they were morons. The reputation of this job started to spread, and caught the attention of a kid who recently graduated college and was looking for a job in the field.
He figured he had nothing to lose, so he applied and was called into an interview with the CEO.
The CEO said “I only ask one question when looking for accountants.” The kid gulped, but nodded. After a pause, the CEO asked:
“What’s 1+1?”
Confused, the kid thought about the question for a bit, then smiled and answered “it’s whatever you want it to be.”
“You got the job,” the CEO replied.
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Johnny’s Surgery Gets Out of Hand
“Doctors and Nurses”
A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her ten-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Never mind sex” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”
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Mattresses Prefer Overweight People
Why do mattresses prefer overweight people?
They leave a big impression.
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Al Gore’s Internet Refund
If Al Gore really invented the Internet, then why does he continue to ignore my repeated requests for a refund of my BIGBEAVERZ.COM membership fee?
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Night School 8 AM Class
The worst part about going to night school to get my college education was ending up with an 8:00 class and having to drag my sleepy ass out of bed by 7:00 PM.
