My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.
She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”
Topic: adult humor
Adult humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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More Than Six
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well, I know it’s more than six because my basement is still dark.
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She’s Intuit
I convinced my wife to do a sexy role play with me where we pretend to be financial corporations.
She’s Intuit.
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Such a Small Organ
In bed with a priest, a nun said, “Father, I never expected you’d have such a small organ.”
He replied, “Why, Sister… I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral.”
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Funny That You Ask
A prostitute approaches a guy. “Hey babe, do you want to have sex for $400?”
Guy: “Funny that you ask, I could use that money very well.”
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On My Own Accord
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…
But if I’m gonna have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
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A Stroke at Any Time
My doctor said I could masturbate as much as I want…
That’s what he meant when he said I could have a stroke at any time, right?
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You’ve Got a Friend in Me
The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:
You’ve got a friend IN ME.
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The Adult Toy Shop and the Checkered Thermos
The owner of an adult toy shop was training his new employee on the rules, how things worked, and the price list of their products.
“The only items without price tags are the dildos kept behind the cashier counter.
The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.
Everything else in the store already has the price marked on it.
Now, I’m heading out for a bit to take care of something important. I’ll be back in about an hour or two.”
Business went smoothly for an hour, until finally a customer asked about the items kept behind the counter.
“How much are those toys?”
“The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.”
“Oh, those are nice! How much is that one with the checkered pattern?”
Thinking quickly on his feet, the employee replied, “That one is $200.”
“SOLD! I’ll take it!”
An hour later, the owner returned and asked how business had been while he was gone.
“It was booming, Boss! I managed to sell five of the white ones and ten of the black ones. And I also got $200 for that checkered thermos of yours you had sitting back there!”
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Keep an Eye Out
A man walks into a brothel and says he wants an experience like he’s never had before.
The lady behind the desk nods with a devious smile and says room 2. The man enters the room and sees a very plain looking middle aged woman. She comes over to him and pops out her eyeball from the socket and says, “In here.” He has the most incredible experience of his entire life by far. As he was leaving he said, “Oh my God, I must see you again.”
She said, “I’ll keep an eye out for you!”
