Topic: adult humor

Adult humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • You’ll Get Used to It

    My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.

    She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”

  • More Than Six

    How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Well, I know it’s more than six because my basement is still dark.

  • She’s Intuit

    I convinced my wife to do a sexy role play with me where we pretend to be financial corporations.

    She’s Intuit.

  • Such a Small Organ

    In bed with a priest, a nun said, “Father, I never expected you’d have such a small organ.”

    He replied, “Why, Sister… I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral.”

  • The First Few Days Were the Hardest

    I recently joined a nudist colony.

    The first few days were the hardest.

  • Funny That You Ask

    A prostitute approaches a guy. “Hey babe, do you want to have sex for $400?”

    Guy: “Funny that you ask, I could use that money very well.”

  • On My Own Accord

    My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…

    But if I’m gonna have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

  • A Stroke at Any Time

    My doctor said I could masturbate as much as I want…

    That’s what he meant when he said I could have a stroke at any time, right?

  • I Think It’s Nuts

    The instructor in my self-defense class said that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

    Personally, I think it’s nuts.

  • You’ve Got a Friend in Me

    The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:

    You’ve got a friend IN ME.