Topic: adult humor

Adult humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • A Trip To Australia

    An elderly British couple rents a car in Australia. They return furious after seeing a man having sex with a kangaroo and a one-legged man masturbating.

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    The rental clerk says, “Please understand, it is very difficult for a one-legged man to be able to catch a ‘roo.”

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  • The Captain’s Intercom

    A Boeing 777 encounters heavy turbulence. The captain tells the passengers the worst is behind them, but forgets to switch off the intercom.

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    He turns to his co-pilot and says, “Phew, that was exhausting. I could use a hot coffee and a blowjob right now.”

    As the head stewardess rushes toward the cockpit, a passenger calls after her, “Don’t forget the coffee!”

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  • A Priest And A Rabbi

    A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. They spot a 10-year-old on the sidewalk.

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    The priest leans over and says, “You wanna fuck him?”

    The rabbi turns around and says, “Out of what?”

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  • A Gorilla In The Tree

    A man finds a gorilla in a tree and calls a gorilla removal service. The service guy arrives with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and handcuffs.

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    He explains that he will poke the gorilla until it falls. The Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles, allowing the man to handcuff it.

    The man asks what the shotgun is for.

    The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”

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  • A Dog In Training

    Me: “Sweet dog you got there.”

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    Policeman: “Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.”

    Me: “Still in training, huh?”

    Policeman: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Never mind.”

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  • The Pussy Willow

    A boy holding duct tape walks by an old man on a bench. He says he is going to catch ducks, and later returns with ducks wrapped in duct tape.

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    The next day, he returns with chickens wrapped in chicken wire.

    The day after, he has a plant in a pot. He says, “It’s a pussy willow.”

    The old man says, “Wait right there. Imma get my hat. I’m coming with you.”

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  • A Hospital Tour

    A public health official visits a hospital. On the tour, they see a man furiously masturbating while a nurse checks his vitals.

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    The doctor explains that the man has a rare disorder where his heart will explode if he stops masturbating.

    In the next room, a nurse is enthusiastically sucking another patient’s dick.

    The doctor says, “Same disorder, but his health insurance is significantly better.”

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  • Dad’s Big Stomach

    A son walks in on his parents having sex. His mother explains that she gets on top of Daddy to flatten his big stomach.

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    The boy says, “You’re wasting your time.”

    When she asks why, he says, “When you go to the supermarket, the woman next door comes over and blows him back up.”

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  • A First Experience

    A young native boy goes to a whorehouse for his first experience but is turned away for being underage and then for having no money.

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    After earning money, he returns. The madam says he needs practice first, so he practices using holes in trees.

    Later, the madam hears a girl crying out and finds the boy standing behind her, kicking her.

    She asks what he is doing.

    He replies, “Checking for squirrels.”

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  • The Cat On The Roof

    A wife goes on vacation and asks her husband how her cat is doing.

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    The husband says, “The cat’s dead.”

    She tells him he should have broken the news gently by saying the cat was on the roof and they couldn’t get her down.

    Then she asks how her mother is doing.

    The husband says, “Your mother’s on the roof and we can’t get her down.”

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